How I combat loneliness through a fresh start
Happy Friday, all! Today, I would like to share how I combat loneliness through a fresh start.
A friend read one of my first posts for 2025 about fresh starts in SUNDAY REFLECTIONS, and asked me how do you combat loneliness…aren’t you lonely after leaving friends behind?
I had to think about her question, because I do not feel lonely and haven’t felt that way.
I certainly miss my friends and my family in San Antonio. I love them all dearly.
However, I have not been lonely…though I know very few people in my new town of Abilene.
Mr. B, my daughter, and my son-in-law all work for the latter’s business, and my three grandsons go to school.
However, during all of that time on my own, I have not experienced loneliness.
I confess there are times I miss talking with my friends I have known for years…but I have discovered that missing people is not the same as loneliness.
There is more of a deep sadness with, sometimes destructive, negative thoughts that accompany consistent loneliness. It is a painful lamentation that can often rob our joy.
I have seen loneliness freeze people I know into inactivity. Often, they chose loneliness.
I am not making that choice…I choose not to be lonely.
So, after really taking note of it all, I decided to share with you what I believe has helped me to combat loneliness through a fresh start.
HOW I COMBAT LONELINESS THROUGH A FRESH START: PERSPECTIVE
1. PERSPECTIVE
All of my points today begin with “P”…think of them as Pamela’s Points to combat loneliness.
Every single morning is a fresh start…whether in a new location or one you grew up in.
I look at each day that way…a fresh start to learn and experience something new.
Keeping a healthy perspective on our day and looking for ways to make it unique is a great way to occupy our thoughts.
Each day for me, I am striving to have a hopeful, optimistic perspective for a fresh start.
HOW I COMBAT LONELINESS THROUGH A FRESH START: PURPOSE
2. PURPOSE
Understanding our purpose and that we are useful, is perhaps the best way to combat loneliness.
My purpose is to bring love, value, and assistance to my family (particularly grandchildren) and support to a new community.
One of my purposes is to meet someone new every day and bring a smile or joy to them. I cannot tell you how many people I have introduced myself to!
It has been fun to go out each day and find ways to connect with women I meet along the way.
With my purpose in mind, I do not let a day go by without finding a way to accomplish it somewhere in this town.
Think…if someone asked you what your purpose is in your current stage of life, how would you answer the question?
HOW I COMBAT LONELINESS THROUGH A FRESH START: PATIENCE
3. PATIENCE
Just as a garden takes patience, so does developing new friendships and connections.
That requires planting seeds of listening, caring, reaching out, having courage, and, for me, prayer…“who do you have for me to meet today, Lord?”
Patience also requires hope that these new friendships are out there and will develop and grow over time…just as we watch our gardens grow.
I so look forward to seeing how I connect with this community each day.
HOW I COMBAT LONELINESS THROUGH A FRESH START: PRIZE
4. PRIZE
I choose to look at my life right now as a prize I have received as a gift.
We only knew a few months before the move that we were going to do this…what many around us thought was crazy.
But, it has been a gift…fresh starts can be exhilarating!
Even if some of the time in the beginning is spent alone. I am not uncomfortable with going out daily with just Pamela. She can be a hoot!
As I said, I meet and see people daily…I do not think of myself as being alone.
HOW I COMBAT LONELINESS THROUGH A FRESH START: PLEASURE
5. PLEASURE
Each day of life I have been gifted with is a pleasure…A JOY!
It keeps me thankful to realize that I have a purpose and dream for what life will look like over 70.
I honestly never think about being lonely or think about my age.
As Ann Margaret sang...”There Is such a lot of living to do.” I do not have time to allow negative feelings to shut me down.
It has been some time ago that I was asked the question, “How do you combat loneliness?”
I thought of it this week, and felt a strong urging to write this post. So I hope it has helped someone who may need to hear it.
I wrote in the first post this line, “Allow me to encourage you that through the sadness of goodbye lies the excitement of hello.”
That is where I am…I do miss my former life, but I love the excitement of hellos that are there for me to find every day.
Thank you for being here…and let me know if anyone wants to talk more through email at over50feeling40@gmail.com.
BE THANKFUL WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW & KEEP SMILING!
By Pamela Lutrell
Whether shopping new arrivals or clearance sales, please shop with the links on my SHOPPING PAGE…thank you, thank you to all who shop this way.
Good morning Pam,
You are such a BLESSING and I’m thankful that I can always find encouragement in your posts. You’re right—each day is a gift and we should appreciate the opportunity to use it for good. Keep being joyfully you!
Such words of wisdom. I especially like “missing people isn’t the same as loneliness.” We moved to a completely new place (from FL to TX) five years ago and I’ve never had more friends or activities than I do now. Yes, I miss the former people and place from time to time, but I’m living a vibrant life now.
Thank you, Cindy! I plan to stay joyful, hopeful, and thankful!
Thanks for sharing this, Kim. You are also on a new adventure and have discovered blessings along the way.
What a wonderful attitude you have about your situation! During our marriage my Mr. B and I have moved numerous times due to his construction job before he decided to go to law school. At each new place we had to find new doctors, dentists, churches, schools, friends but managed mainly through our sons playing sports and getting to know the parents involved. Now with grown children our approach would be different so I’m admiring of your approach though not surprised, knowing the sweet spirit that you have. You bring a bit of joy and resolve to my morning daily, and I thank you for that.
I thank you for being here, Celia. Love to begin my day as well with this blog community.
What a positive and uplifting post. People of all ages can benefit from these tips. I’ll save and refer to this post often. Thanks for sharing!
You are so welcome, Cathy. Thanks for the encouragement.
What a good exercise, to think about our purpose! Okay … My purposes are to grow myself and learn, to provide ear/advice/support to younger people (family and the students I sub for), to be a good partner to my husband, to make something beautiful (my beaded jewelry), and to provide periodic child care to my grandson (soon to be two grandsons). My other purpose is to have fun, to enjoy the gift of retirement. I’ve been lonely at (fortunately brief) times in my life and I agree, it’s not at all the same as alone. I’m one who actually needs some alone time in my life, even though I’m outgoing. If I don’t get it, I can get cranky!
I have ben that way often, Linda…where I needed alone time. Particularly when I had kids at home and lots of students. I would often tell Mr. B that I had to have some alone time. Now that I have more, for the most part it is enjoyable.
Such an uplifting message! We have been working on moving for a few years and there have just been so many roadblocks. At this point I’m really looking forward to the change! Where we move depends on my daughter, who we plan to share a mother/daughter or 2 family house. The location keeps changing due to job related uncertainty, so things are up in the air right now. I know I will miss the friends I’ve made here, but since I retired I feel my circle has drastically reduced and I’m ready to embrace a fresh start. I get lonely now living in the same area I have my whole life. Thank you for reminding me how exhilarating some place new can be with the right perspective!!!
Have a lovely weekend!!! Linda Ann
Many of my old friends began to move away to other places and that really helped me to face my own move with courage. I was already missing one of them right where I was. I hope your fresh start comes soon, Linda Ann and that it is wonderful for you.
I d love to have these words of wisdom in a chart form so I can read it daily and share with others! Such pearls of wisdom.
Thank you for the idea, Carol. I will try to make that happen.
Hi Pam,
I so enjoyed your thoughts. You know yourself, being naturally a friendly person I can easily see why you adapted so well to your new community. It sure helps that you have your husband and part of your family.
I just got to thinking, for ladies that are introverts and painfully shy I wonder how they adapt to a brand new environment and at a certain age? Seventy and above.
What I have found hard is the loss of one of my dearest friends. She was the type of friend that anyone would be over joyed to have. We were friends for 38 years. It’s been three years now since she passed away, and it’s still very hard at times. I always focus on all the special things we did together. I also have gifts that she gave me in our home. I’m just one of those people that does not handle loved ones passing away. Thank goodness we are all so different.
I love what you said about enjoying your own company. I say you “Go Girl.”
Hi Katherine, I am not going to minimize any loss of a friend through death nor saying good bye to them when we move. I have four friends that I love so much…think of often…and rarely see.. But none of them would want me shut down and stop living life because they are no longer around for me. We can cherish memories and people and go on with life. I wonder if you could enjoy some of the things you previously did together in her memory. And perhaps she would want to see you shine at this time of life. Consider what she might tell you.
Thank you for being here.
I went from having a family it’s sons to being divorced and all the boys gone in the military and one moved to Florida with my mother because he hated Iowa winters. I learned that my sudden aloneness was not loneliness. I had a demanding career in critical care nursing which required constant updating of skills. I took up biking 23 miles in the countryside near my townhouse. Even in winter I set up my bike in the living room on a trainer and rode every night after work or before depending on if I was working nights. My friends were the tight knit group of nurses that I worked with at the hospital. I joined a meditation group which helped with stress and more friendships grew to be family. One became my husband, my Mr B. He introduced me to skiing and we moved out here to Colorado to be near the ski mountains. Even after my health failed, I have found new friends here in Canon City. We have our fluffy 18 1/2 year old cat Molly and our beloved little dog, Trixy which we walk most every day. Lately she has been in her puffer coat! I read, I color, I am starting to do Ancestry.com for my sons, grandsons and great grandchildren. There just isn’t enough time in the day for loneliness.
Thank you for sharing, Sydney. I am sure it helps others to hear your experience.
Your husband is still alive. That makes all the difference.
It does make a difference. He is very busy and travels so I am on my own often. But I do know it is very hard when a spouse is lost. What I believe is that we should continue to live and enjoy life and not allow loneliness to shut us down. I also believe a spouse would want that. I also believe that you have to allow yourself to grieve, but after time to live.
Thank you Pam. You are an amazing lady. I have bookmarked your words under “Inspirational” so I can re-read them as my current life caring for my husband becomes a bit more difficult each day.
Elisa, I will add you to my prayer list. It takes so much strength to do what you are doing. May God’s presence surround you.
What a wonderful and positive message about embracing change and seeing a challenge as an opportunity. I wrote the 5 P’s in my journal today even though I am not planning to move again. At 67 I made the big move to a town nearly 900 miles away from where I lived most of my life. My friends thought I was either very brave or crazy. I’ve never regretted it.
We fall in the very brave to crazy category, Katie! I am so glad you have never regretted it!
Thank you for your 5 Ps. About six months after my husband passed away, someone asked me if I was lonely. I thought about for a bit & answered that while I was alone, I wasn’t lonely. Yes, I missed the man I had been married to for almost 47 years, but God had placed opportunities in my path to participate in groups at my church, to rekindle old friendships & to make some new friends. I have been blessed with so many good things that it easy to feel joyful & alive. You are so right that it is about perspective. I’m glad you listed that first because I feel that it where it must start.
Thank you for these very timely thoughts on loneliness, which have generated some very insightful reader comments. I am single in my 60’s and like Linda Ann, my circle has become smaller after retirement, even though I have lived here forever. I’m looking forward to exploring my new neighborhood and hopefully making some new friends after I move next week. I will be living in my hometown of Fort Worth, much closer to my church, family and friends. Serving as my mother’s primary caregiver for almost 12 years really impacted my friendships. People got used to me having to decline invitations, so eventually they stopped asking me to join in evening activities. I have also noticed that many people became more isolated during COVID, and seem to be stuck in that mode ever since. I have tried to be intentional in reaching out to friends I see less often, but everyone seems to stay to busy, and most of my friends are still working. My new neighborhood offers everything from a book club to yoga, event planning committees and other volunteer opportunities, so I think I can be as busy as I want to be. I have already made plans to walk with two friends who live nearby, and I hope I meet other neighbors through them. One of my intentions for 2025 is to reach out to two older, widowed friends and my best friend’s homebound mom at least every two weeks. Sometimes I send a card or letter, but if all I can manage is a phone call they seem to enjoy that, as well. It’s an easy thing to do, and always lifts my spirits along with theirs. In this life stage, my “purpose” is service to others, starting with my own family. Like Pam, I try to be available to my daughter to help out with the three grandkids, all of whom are playing at least one sport this spring. I’ll have a large well-stocked playroom for them at the new house, and hope they will enjoy spending more time there. I also volunteer weekly stocking shelves in the food pantry at my church on the days our food bank shipments arrive, and I help prepare and serve dinner to a large group of our homeless neighbors on Thursday evenings. I find the more I focus on helping others, the less likely I am to feel lonely or useless. I also meet more people through these service activities. I loved the CS Lewis quote, and am printing it to add to my collection of uplifting thoughts on the vision board in my closet. Thank you for continuing to model such a positive attitude and providing this sort of though-provoking content, along with the shopping and fashion updates!
Thank you for today’s post, Pam! I needed this today. I do make a point to join, engage and meet new people; it’s a fun part of being retired. But my friends ( old friends) are becoming more insulated because of illness, mobility issues and new romances. I now venture out alone most days.
Thank you so much for sharing, Becky. It is important for others to read about different situations.
Thank you too for sharing your thoughts as you make a new journey too.
I know it takes courage, Paulette. Go out alone looking for new discoveries and see what you find.
Pam – you are blessed with purpose in your life!