More Than A Number

Jacket, Pants, Bracelet: Lane Bryant
Tank, earrings: Stein Mart

Hi, I’m Pam.

I’m very Texan. Love my husband and children. Love to write. Love to teach. Love public speaking. Love music. Love candles. Ok, OK …I admit I love the cat. I obviously love fashion……

There are many facets which make up Pam.

Growing up in Midland, TX, I did not care about numbers….just ask my math teachers! In high school, I was confident and focused. The Editor In Chief of the high school newspaper, assistant editor of the yearbook, and a competitive persuasive speaker on the speech team….I just did not have time to worry about numbers, as so many young girls do today.

The number 30 began to bug me, because I was not married and my mother kept telling me I was weird. But, shortly after that, I married Mr. Bear (so there mother). I do not remember caring about numbers until I was a mother of three. Suddenly, I was the oldest mother in my kids age groups….I was one of the largest mothers….I was one of the poorest mothers. Number stress set in. I think that is why in my late 40s, I began to shut down. The numbers were overwhelming and I spent time taking care of everyone but me…because the numbers were not in my favor!  Comparisons are often very deadly.

My wakeup call came when I turned 50 (you can read about it in my very first post July 2010). I have enjoyed seven glorious years not focusing on numbers. Accepting myself for who I really am, and returning to the strong, confident Pam of high school. Not defined by any number. I can usually spot “number stress” in the eyes of women around me or in their words….. those who constantly tear themselves down and dress as if they just do not care what people think. I can usually tell when they are hurting and hiding….because I have been there.

However, I now have to find a happy balance between the confident Pam and the one who listens to the doctor. NUMBERS from a blood test scream that I must care about numbers again.

I am 57

I am overweight

I do have occasional high blood pressure

I do have high cholesterol

I do have a Vitamin D depletion

I do have wacked out hormones (my hysterectomy was in the late 1990s)

I must make changes or suffer the consequences. Today, I have started a ridged-doctor-supervised-diet. I am now taking lots of supplements and doing some special things with hormones. This will not be easy, but I trust that prayer will get me through.

It is important to me that my readers know that I am making changes in my life for health reasons and not because I want to look a certain way….or because I am comparing myself to others on the blogs…or because I am seeking to gain acceptance from anyone…I am doing this to be healthy!!!

I will be happy to blog some of my experiences…..good and bad. I do not really know what lies ahead as I walk through this….but we will see. Encouragement from others will be helpful!

I just started my day with black coffee, Egg Beaters (Southwestern Style was surprisingly good) and Nature’s Own Toast sprayed with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (Honestly, I can). So here we go…..

I am still Pam. I am a woman of strength and dignity. Not defined by numbers….but seeking to be a healthy woman as well!!


  1. You know Pam. I think I love you. I am Judy, 65, high cholesterol and blood pressure and sundry other stuff. Low thyroid. Often depressed. Never ok with my body or myself. I have dieted on and off forever. The stress just about killed me because I never fully committed. I am proud of you. I am interested in anything and everything you are going through. Thanks for your blog.

  2. Hey Pam, great post as usual! and I love your honesty. I too was not good at numbers and years later when I was in university I worked with someone who taught statistics in a way that actually inspired me to learn and I understood it.. so I also think that sometimes the teaching style can make us feel dumb too!!!

    And, I love what you are saying about being married late, etc.. BUT the greatest thing is, you didnt just go out and get married younger because you are supposed to.. so many people follow status quo and then arent happy because they didnt do it by choice.

    I know alot about health and fitness being a triathlete and the thing that really helps me around eating healthy etc is baby steps. For example, I didnt just eliminate everything from my diet all at once. I started by ie. putting all the snack-type foods in our back pantry, out of sight so I wasnt tempted. Then we stopped buying that kind of stuff altogether. Then we reduced the processed sugar intake and ate dried fruit instead.. Then slowly cut back on dried fruit.. etc… Anyway the point is, it takes years to become UNhealthy and it takes time to turn it around. I think this is why so many people fail at weight loss is because they want instant results and are not patient with themselves.
    You are doing great and you look beautiful and what matters in the end is what kind of person you are, and of course being healthy for health not just looks.

    Thanks for all your visits to my blog, I always appreciate your comments!! xoxo Jodi

  3. Yes, increasingly as we age, we are forced to pay attention to numbers that we easily ignored before. The one I wrestle with is my cholesterol reading (as I wrote in an October post). I did not want to take a medication, so have been popping niacin and red rice yeast like crazy. Have yet to have the cholesterol re-measured, but I am expecting success. Fingers crossed.

  4. I hear ya, honey! Turning 35 in a couple weeks doesn't bother me a bit. The problems I'm having with my teeth, however… So while you're learning to eat Egg Beaters, I'll be trying to develop a conscientious flossing habit! I wish you nothing but the best in the modifications you're making!

  5. Pam, what a great post! So true in so many ways. I had many perimenopausal problems that I got help from a natural doctor with – wow, what a difference. I had to take several supplements and get things back on track. I have come to find that what you eat makes all the difference! I already preach my Green Smoothie, but now I am loving juicing ala – Jason Vale as well! Good luck! You can do it!

  6. Hi Pam, I want to hear everything, I share most of your "symptoms" However I am going through a lot of depression lately and have the attitude that since I don't go out much, who cares? Well I should care, I know, can't get motivated. Eating baked Lays as I write.

  7. Good luck with the healthy lifestyle changes. As others have said, you are now focusing on "the numbers" in an empowering way. It's not about pleasing others or meeting an impossible standard. It's for YOU now, so that you can continue pursuing your dreams and living up to your own fabulousness. Good luck!

  8. Pam, you are my hero! I'm trying to focus on eating healthy and exercising just to be healthy. I try to not pay any attention to what the number on the clothing label says or the number on the scale, just to wear things that make me feel good.

    I'm excited for you as you go through this to be healthier. Let me know if I can do anything!

  9. Hi Pam! I so resonate to your words. Honestly, I see myself in you 10 years from now. I am a teacher who loves teaching, I love public speaking, committed student in high school, etc. Also overweight. My own wake up call was one month ago when I saw 3 digits on the scale (I weigh in kilos and I hit 103, which is 227 pounds). Had never been over 100 and it was a shock. People not liking fat people was never a motivation to lose weight. But last year I got Swine Flu (of all things!)and everything was more complicated because I was fat, so seeing 100 kilos on the scale really opened my eyes. Have been exercising and dieting for a month now. So, I'll be looking forward to your posts!

  10. You are the number of pie: totally infinite and delicious.

    I look forward to your adventure. I agree that the best motivation for change is a commitment to health and I commend you for it.

    Research these natural cholesterol reducers: Puer Tea (a medicinal Chinese black tea clinically shown to reduce cholesterol), include in your diet LOTS of REAL extra virgin olive oil, and garlic.

    A non-numeric hug to you! -Bella Q
    the Citizen Rosebud

  11. of course, health comes first! i always thought i was a pretty healthy eater, i exercise, don't smoke, don't drink (excessively)…and it was a shocker to find (in a thorough physical for life insurance) that my cholesterol was borderline high. i'll be by your side on this journey 🙂

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