Fear of the Form…Should we Confront It?

Cardigan: Marshall’s
Skirt: lane Bryant
Shoes: Target

It took a long time for What Not to Wear to get me out of oversized clothes. Big Tops were my comfort zone…. the bush I would run to hide behind. I came into my 50s quite overweight and had just stopped caring for myself. Oversized polos, T shirts, and tunics were safe and I honestly did not believe looked that bad. It took a bold Stacy London and Clinton Kelly to get me to see that fit….even at my current size…was more flattering than the really big shirts. I had to see it for myself.

They were right….smaller shirts made me look thinner ….not the blankets I would throw on every day. A form fitting top and jacket will take off more pounds, faster than any diet I know of. Now, Clinton says, “VA VA VOOM!” when a woman’s curves suddenly appear!!

Bracelet: Forever 21

Other than a perfectly fitted jacket, my favorite VA VA VOOM-look is a buttoned cardigan. I feel thinner, younger, and more stylish when I wear one. Yes…I will say that I feel sexy in them! Gigi is modeling another slenderizing look…the fitted jacker. It can make a huge difference.

Jacket: Kohl’s

This realization has been so life changing for me that I want to share it with everyone, but sometimes I worry that women will be offended when I do. They could ramp up their WOW-factor….enhance their beauty…and feel better about themselves just by tossing the big, floppy shirts. I always hesitate and even feel bad when I try to tell women to go the more fitted direction.

Scarf: Stein Mart

Why is it that we want to hang on to those security blankets we hide behind ? What do we really fear?

Full Disclosure: I attempted to tell a really attractive lady on a blog that she would look
thinner if she would avoid over-sized tops with big horitzontal stripes.  Her blog asked what the readers thought of the top.  I told her that she was way too pretty to wear the big blouses.  I guess I offended her.  She removed the comment from her sight.  Are we always just to say
“great look today?”  Or is it better to say nothing at all?  Even when asked for opinions?  I am grieved she may have taken my comments in a wrong way!


  1. I am with you there, and always welcome opinions and I am grateful for them, but not everybody´s ego is strong. If I have to give some personal advice,I do not comment, I send an email
    What do you think???

  2. I totally agree with your point about fitting our forms, Pam. I also learned this from Stacey and Clinton! You look like one million dollars, pre-recession, and so does Gigi : >

  3. Pam, first off, love your outfit and how well you wear it…but I'm really anxious to get to the comment that you made that apparently offended the blogger. It's something I've thought about writing about for a while. Are we all too sensitive? Do we only blog to get gushy comments from our readers? I was checking out a very popular fashion blog yesterday and one post had over 100 comments and just from a quick perusal, they were all, "Your so gorgeous!" or "Oh I wish I could look like you!" Seriously? Do I want to be told that I can do no wrong? That everything I put together is magic? If someone ASKS for an opinion, then shouldn't we be honest?

    What is it about fashion blogging that brings out the guidelines that we're only supposed to say "nice" things. It's a dialogue. I want to be of the attitude that a commenter feels comfortable enough to "participate" in my blog…add their 2 cents. I think we're in danger of keeping ourselves in a halcyonic bubble where we only hear what we want to hear and it leaves us possibly pandering to receive more kudos.

    I guess I said all that to say, I don't think you did anything wrong by giving that blogger your opinion. It was asked for and you were truthful. I don't think we're always responsible when someone takes offense to our opinions. Iron sharpeneth iron…I grow more when I get honest feedback. Big hugs to you my sweet friend!!! ~Serene

  4. I want people to tell me the truth!
    I recently had a guest post on a website with over a thousand followers
    They were not shy about telling me their thoughts
    At first I was like what??? But honestly, their feedback was correct and very helpful!
    That's why I do this, to learn more and get better at fashion and style

  5. I remember VERY CLEARLY my *AHA* moment with the realization that bigger was not better. Bigger just makes you look like you have no shape. At least bigger WITH shape makes you look more womanly and less potato sack-y.

  6. I agree. Wearing clothes that fit really makes for a more streamlined silhouette.

    If you feel like she took it wrong, maybe just send her an email and explain that you were being helpful and not hurtful. I'm sure she'll understand. With comments and email people can't "hear" our tone. So, it's easy to misinterpret.

    Love you tons!!

  7. You look good in that shade of blue. Honest opinion! It can be a sticky wicket with giving a critique, I spent years in fiction writing workshops and have seen honest opinions met with strong negative reactions, which always made me think, then why did you ask for opinions? Why are you in this workshop? I'm with a few of the others, maybe an email will help.

  8. First, you look so thin in your outfit! You and Gigi both look fabulous.
    My moment came when I saw a woman at work wearing a blazer, shirt, and jeans and she looked so nice and neat. I decided then and there that my look would include a jacket as a finishing piece (advice Stacy & Clinton give.)
    As to comments. I really wish that I would get more comments on what others think might improve my outfit. Sometimes someone else might think of something perfect for you that you never thought of. Sacramento said she emails, but not everyone has an email available to use for private comments. I do wish they did! I have often wanted to send encouraging words to someone that I did not feel everyone should see, but couldn't due to unavailable email.
    I guess if one doesn't want any comments shown that are not compliments, they should only post those they approve of.
    I say keep the comments coming! I appreciate the time you all take to respond to my blog.

  9. I don't mind getting negative comments. But I do think it's all in the way that they are said (that being said, I know that I have said things the wrong way at times, and it wasn't meant to be hurtful — I can just be a spaz at times). I know that all my outfits don't hit the mark, and I would really like to know why — I may not agree, and I might not take the person up on their advice, but it's always food for thought. As for big tops — I think there's a way to wear them too. And some people just aren't comfortable with the streamlined look or they just don't care. and I think that's okay too …

  10. Hi Pam! where are you? 🙂
    Do you really like my outfits? never had a bad comments, but you never know it might happen. I have a good critic at home, Mr D he tells me when i does not look good and i prefer to know honestly. I love the jacket you found at the consignement boutique.

    Have a good weekend – Ariane

  11. I'm alwys happy to see constructive criticism on my blog… I put it up to learn! I have been trying to be more tactful when I leave comments on other blogs… my natural tendency is to be pretty blunt, yet comical.

    Early on, I remember telling Shybiker that her floral vest looked like a tea-towel. She still likes me, at least

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