Navigating the Circle of Confidence Over 50
I am asked often how I stay confident and optimistic most of the time. The truth is that in my over 50 life, I have many ups and downs. I often feel as though negativity is chasing my confidence around a vicious circle hoping to overcome it.
I get rattled by things like…negative comments on social media; harsh criticisms by people I love; a walk by a mirror which reveals an unflattering choice; reliving regrets of the past; comparing myself to other women; feeling small in my professions; or fears of the future. Mind games…I know.
My faith plays a huge role in the ability to pick back up and begin again. Also, my faith has taught me to live life one day at a time; understand life is short; dress with a hopeful spirit; and to not allow anyone or anything to rob my joy.
Sometimes, I have to disconnect from life and plug back in again after a healing time.
But, so far, thank goodness, I am eventually able to out run the negativity.
Then the circle of confidence goes on!
(I found this funky necklace in my favorite local re-sale shop, THE GARMENT EXCHANGE. I always find something fun there!)
So, how to do you react when something or someone takes a shot at your confidence? How quickly are you able to keep on keeping on?
Linking with TURNING HEADS LINK UP
It seems the only person who takes a shot at my confidence is me, especially as bathing suit season approaches. It's very difficult not to compare my body to those of other women when so much is revealed. It's the only reason I don't love summer. 🙂
We are on the same page with this one, Nancy. I do not like summer for the same reason. Confidence is more difficult when the heat is on.
Great post, Pam. We have to find confidence within. Criticism from others stems from their own mindset, not ours. Do what makes YOU happy. Let others worry about themselves.
Thanks Kelly. I think sometimes I wonder if a criticism is constructive or destructive. I desire to be humble enough to try and learn from any situation…it is destructive criticism which will eat at my confidence and joy.
Hi Pam, It's always hard for me to understand why people take cheap shots at others. Then I remember that when someone says mean things, it's reflective of their own miserable, self-doubting/hating perspective. I respect what you do and how you share so honestly with us. If we can't find ways to support each other at this age, we're in trouble! Don't let the turkeys get you down. And remember there are many more of us supporting and appreciating what you do.
That is so kind, Judy. Thank you…I am good…but love and appreciate my readers so much.
My self-confidence takes a dive when I start comparing myself to others. When that happens, I stop and make a list of all the positives in my life as well as all the things I'm grateful for. I've also discovered that when I dress my best, I feel my best. Your blog has been a real inspiration in that regard, Pam. Thanks!
Thank you, Beth. I cannot tell you how much it means to be to know it has helped. That is why I started the blog. I think all of us get caught in the trap of comparisons. I agree it helps to look our best to keep us going strong!
Lovely – your wisdom, your look and your post. 🙂 Thank you for sharing. I often struggle with confidence especially when my self-perception is rudely reminded of the years that have passed without my consent. Then, like you, I dust myself off, remember that my thoughts determine my emotions, and change my mindset to focus on the positive and be grateful. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you Pam for sharing also…love the name Grace over 50. I need a strong dose of grace every day.
Whatever you are doing to cope and manage, I say, keep up the good work! I am a firm believer in sharing and sometimes venting—I have had the privilege of having the built-in access to regular therapy through my sisters; we are very close, and being able to simply talk things out with someone going through the same struggles has always been a huge comfort to me. In a way, your blog provides the same service—caring women sharing, encouraging, supporting… I thank you so much for it! Keep up the good work!!!!
Thank you! I never had sisters and my closest friend moved a way a few years ago, so my blog sisters are simply the best!
It's nice to hear that this blogging relationship (which I am fairly new to) is working both ways! It's a win-win!
I recognised most of the situations you mentioned and felt somewhat relieved that I am not alone in being susceptible to the same self doubts. I am not sure I have found the best way to deal with these yet but, if I see an older, wrinkly and jowly version of me in the mirror I put one some lipstick and do my hair. When I was being bullied at work, I took a life changing decision to retire early and am happily managing on a smaller income. I get joy from reading blogs such as yours and getting inspiration for updating my own style to make me feel more confident. Thank you!
My heart just sank when you wrote you were bullied at work. How awful. I am glad you were able to escape and rise above it. Thank you for your comment and for reading.
I am 69 and have always taken pride in myself, even with my insecurities and self doubts. I have gone through life always trying to look my best even when cleaning house or gardening. Taking time for fixing your hair, putting some make up on and dressing well always makes me feel better. That doesn't mean I don't have down days, but for the most part it is worth the effort to try my best. I have had people make negative comments to me on and off most of my life; like "why don't you let your hair down"; why are you so dressed up (just because I don't wear worn out jeans and athletic shoes doesn't make me dressed up. The more comments like that I hear, the harder I work at making myself better. They are the ones who have the problem, not me. And Pam, thank you for the effort you take to encourage others.
I applaud you, Shirley. Keep setting that good example for everyone and don't listen to the naysayers. And thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks for being so real, Pam!
This is a very timely post for me as I've been thinking about this very topic. I find that as I age (dare I say mature?) my confidence is growing and I'm less affected by the negativity of others toward me. Just this week, a friend who once criticized something I said on social media quite harshly did it again. The first time, a couple of years ago, I was quite devastated, but this time it didn't really bother me.
I'm glad you mentioned the part that your faith plays in how you're able to respond to things. That's definitely true in my life too.
You are right, Elaine…my confidence has grown so much as I age. It is just every now and then I get rattled. Thanks so much for being here! You are faithful.
The necklace looks great on you! Thank you for this truthful post; you are an inspiration for women.
I am new to your blog – but I find it inspiring and love your style. To me a nice smile and dressing fashionably always brightens the day.