This post is about elegance…specifically… elegant character and how elegant women are kind online.
One of my favorite traits of truly elegant women are their grace and kindness inside. They know there is strength and power in kindness.
In my Cultivating Everyday Elegance series, we have discussed many things, and I cannot overlook this topic in today’s world.
I must use my computer, phone, and social media for my profession…so I see constantly how all three have become weapons.
It breaks my heart to see women… who look elegant on the outside….attacking others for the sake of humor or to be “cool” in order to gain acceptance by a like-minded group.
The pandemic and the political atmosphere have caused many to quickly pull the trigger of unkindness behind the screen.
As a journalism educator for 16 years, I taught my young reporters to practice empathy with each assignment. “Always put yourself in the shoes of the one being interviewed…no matter what you think of them or their situation.”
But, so many don’t think of others. Especially if “others” believe opposite politically…then it seems to be OK to ridicule them for what they say, wear, read, and believe.
The current “cancel culture” is so dangerous for America, and the fact that we easily ridicule others and do not consider their feelings is just as dangerous.
Women have been known for our kindness throughout history….and especially hospitality and kindness from woman to woman.
You can show this same kindness online. I try to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (sound familiar?) in all situations. Quick to listen means we listen to what others have to say before we pounce.
I am not encouraging you to be a person who never expresses your opinion. In fact, I am a very opinionated individual…with strong beliefs.
However, I actually turned down a high-powered job in Washington D.C. years ago because I knew how to vocalize my beliefs with compassion, intelligence, grace, and strength. The non-profit organization had heard me and needed a media spokesperson who could do just that.
Why did I turn it down? The offer came at the moment I learned of my first pregnancy. The job was going to require more of me than I was willing to give as a new mom.
I want to leave a legacy with my grandchildren of kindness and they must see that reflected in my online persona as well. I must walk the walk, and talk the talk if I want to have influence where it matters most…with them.
Do I occasionally falter and let my anger get the best of me? We all do, but may I never intentionally be unkind to someone who believes differently from me.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you….
This brings me to our segments here called Would You Wear It? Many of you may have read Jennifer’s post on Monday.
It seems like every week I have written a reminder of how to express your opinion on these mannequins without leveling personal attacks.
I still believe there is value in discussing current clothing on displays. I think it helps the consumer and the retailers.
I know some minds have been changed and eyes opened through the comments.
A constructive comment example is: “I would not wear this boxy jacket on my curvy figure because it would make me look larger.”
However, an unkind comment example is: “How could anyone wear this outfit! It looks like what my grandmother wore…and I hate looking like a grandmother!”
Please, please do not give the displays labels that might make someone who believes opposite of you feel bad or attacked.
Actually, I have a super power…I am grandmother to six! Let’s not label bad fashion as grandmother style…but turn that around and show how today’s grandmother rocks her personal style with confidence!
Jennifer and I have noticed lately that there are more comments which place those labels on clothing that might offend others who like the styles.
CONSTRUCTIVE EVALUATION, please. Of course if you don’t like something we believe you should absolutely comment and tell us why…but with constructive thought.
It is better to say something like….“I personally do not wear polka dots because I believe they age me.”
Saying styles are matronly on you is different from the granny-labels.
So many have asked us to continue Would You Wear It? that we want to keep it going…but let’s all practice true elegance and be kind with our comments. Stop and think before you post…would the way I am saying this offend?
I do not think anyone in this audience is being purposefully mean. I think all of us are a bit de-sensitized in today’s volatile world. Let’s put elegance back into social media!
I give this yellow rose from Texas to all the elegant women who believe in kindness whether in person or online. Think before you share something unkind that someone else has posted.
Be your true elegant, kind self….and let’s be part of the solutions to unify people. And reach out helping hands around the world.
Elegant women build up…not tear down.
I will have a mid-week Would You Wear It Pop-Up? tomorrow!
KEEP SMILING, LADIES!
By Pamela Lutrell
Now…here is a little fun…SNEAKERS for spring!