Messages about Kindness: Am I Wrong?

35 Comments

1. SPOT ON. I agree 100%. It’s faux kindness and I’m sick of it. The powers that be want us to embrace kndness when it fits a certain , media driven, adjenda. Another thing, there are some cases where , especially, older people are expected to be beg for life’s crumbs in the name of kindness. I’m not on that train!! I could go on and on.

2. Well Pam, this is why I don’t watch television, except for sports, and I ignore the commercials. There is always an underlying message and in recent years, those have rarely been helpful. I am seriously blessed to have a family that is in agreement and I don’t take this for granted. I do know of a family where the adult daughter is “going dark’ and announced she will not be attending holidays with her family, over politics. Kids do get messages pushed out in tv programs, and I think social media has contributed to many problems. I am in the older generation that you talk about, and I am purposely kind to people I come into contact with, such as people in service occupations like you mentioned from the cartoon. I think in our years we have learned enough to know to be careful and know that, of course, we can’t trust everyone. Kids still need to be taught this as they have been, because they can be too trusting. I have found much peace in not watching TV, except, as I said, some sports, and cancelled FB, Instagram, etc., where anger is certainly present and not helpful. These things exist, it seems, to stir things up (generally speaking). It’s partially because we grew up in a different time, that we now recognize kindness flying out the window, while something darker attempts to take its place. My grandsons are in college and see this darkness daily. Thankfully, they were raised to think for themselves and steer clear, and thankfully graduation is right around the corner! I agree with you Pam. And I accept that people sure don’t agree with me. It’s okay to stand in our own beliefs. I’ll continue to practice kindness, because it’s certainly needed.

3. Pamela, kindness is God given and should be spontaneous. However there are those who have been in electronic media or the modern 21st century rush to the point of emotional numbness. Family sharing time without the phone is a great time to begin the kindness journey, it spreads. Bless you John 3:16. Sandra

4. I have a sign in my kitchen which reads. ” If you can’t be anything else in this world, be kind.” A constant reminder to all about how i feel about always being kind. And as for those Progressive commercials, I wouldn’t use that company even if they offered me free insurance.

5. As an “older” woman, I have found that kindness comes automatically to me. Whether it’s a smile to a stranger, a supportive comment to a new mother who appears overwhelmed with a toddler or fussy baby in a checkout line, letting drivers into moving traffic, I could go on and on. It just makes me feel good.
   I don’t go around bragging about what I do, I simply do it. And I haven’t received any push back about my acts of kindness, or if there are, I just don’t see it. I think kindness is one of the best attributes that we as the “older” generation must continue to demonstrate to the younger generations.

6. Pam, this is for you, not to post. As far as people not wanting to be at family gatherings, you need to understand that we are not talking about different political views on policies, which are always welcome, but rather different views of what is morally correct. I think you are going to have to delete all political comments or we are going to have a problem

7. I wear a mask whenever I go indoors. Last summer I took a 6-week road trip across 5 states. I stayed in interstate hotels and high-end resorts. I made some special requests. Many people I dealt with were young people, but there were other ages, too. Not once was I treated unkindly. No eye-rolls, no unpleasant tones of voice. Yes, I see unkindness and beyond on the internet, but not in real life.

8. I too have a diverse family; politically, racially, and in religions or lack of them. We all swallow our differences and love each other anyway. Is it sometimes hard? It is for me, and I’m sure it is for them. The pandemic may have isolated us so that we turned to X, Facebook, and the like for company. There, you say whatever you want and argue till the cows come home. But in person, it takes much more courage to be kind and compassionate. Beth b’s point about the crudeness and vulgarity of elected officials is valid, that’s media too. Those Progressive commercials are awful. I am taking the attitude about all that to not watch tv, leave twitter (X) and only join private groups that have to do with hobbies on FB. And read more real books. And perhaps if more of us became involved with real volunteer opportunities and real people who needed us, we could edge back toward a sane world? I don’t know, just a suggestion.

9. Thanks Mary Jo…I just deleted some of the comments that pointed the discussion in more of a political direction. This discussion is meant to highlight how the world is portraying our generation as hokey for being kind and teaching young people that kindness is not cool.
   How can we turn that around and make a difference? How can we stand for kindness? It is not unkind for me to delete comments that steered this to a place that encourages us to be unkind. Let’s go back to the beginning…how are we being a positive influence to teach kindness.

10. We need a Mr. Rogers right now. I always felt he had many good messages for children. My word for this past year has been JOY–so you know I always enjoyed your joyful blog. This year for 2025 I have decided just not one word would do. Thus, after much thought I had decided on “HEALING THROUGH KINDNESS”! So I know you can feel how pleased I was to read your morning blog. I now know for sure I have chosen the right words for 2025.

11. Thank you for sharing this Linlee…so encouraging to hear.

12. I felt the same way about the Progressive insurance ad. Many years ago my then teen children were telling us “don’t talk to them”, being people in line at the movies, grocery store lines ect. Iwas as in Seattle, ( people don’t speak to each other there lol) I spoke to a woman at a hotel in a conversational way and she hugged me, a stranger because I engaged.
    I’m a Southerner and WE TALK TO EVERYBODY! LOL
    Kindness means engaging, showing concern, treating everyone as you want to be treated. It’s a risk but the rewards are bountiful.

13. Your suggestion is a good one…we need to show the younger generation ways they also can display kindness. I have removed Beth B’s comment because it took the conversation to a place I did not want us to go…I mentioned the dinner table because it concerns me that message is out there. We have had diverse opinions at our Thanksgiving table for years.

14. I love this, Mary Ruth!

15. Wonderful, Helen! I am still pondering my 2025 words…but love what you have done here.

16. Hi Pam,
    An excellent topic. Since Covid and still had to keep my medical appointments, I was taken back to see many signs up and in different medical offices if you were being rude and not nice in so many words you would be asked to leave. When I was at my annual medical specialist office last week the patient room still had the same type of sign up. That surprised me.
    I send USPS mail and buy lots of postage stamps. I was pleased to see that USPS came out with a medical stamp thanking them for their service. I thought this was so nice. The service industry can’t be thanked enough or anyone serving us. I make sure they are all acknowledged the medical people that have looked after me and the people that come to our home.
    Being KIND to people is everything. I was raised on this so I more than get it.
    Staying away from political discussions like the outcome of the election is best to hold a quiet place because it can cause bad feelings that can’t be repaired. People get so emotional and want to show or tell you in so many words why you are wrong.
    I experienced this in my own family. It did not feel good.
    I’m with you all the way, ALWAYS be nice and KIND.

17. Hi Katherine, if those signs are up, there must be a reason and isn’t that sad. One of my neighbors in San Antonio worked from home and received many deliveries, she had a basket on her front porch with bottles of water thanking the delivery people for their work and offering them water…in a city where water is often needed…so many of them drive around in open, hot trucks or vans. We can always look for ways to do more and people like my neighbor inspire me to do it.

18. I agree that people of ALL ages have generally become less kind and less tolerant of others. However, I don’t think this is limited to only the younger generation. Younger people may need to be kinder to older people but that goes both ways. Some people can get set in their ways and forget that times change. Perhaps what one person thinks of as kindess someone else may view as nosiness or, worse yet, of a bias or even ignorance of other cultures. People of all ages can learn from each other and we all, regardless of age, would be better if we opened our hearts, truly heard other people and made an effort to be kinder and more tolerant.

19. Pam I’m in complete agreement with you! What kind of example does it set to tell our grandchildren that if someone doesn’t believe as you do that you should cut ties with them? I’m glad that you deleted Beth’s comment as I saw this as an opening to go down the rabbit hole of unkindness. Governor Huckabee has a sign in his office that says “Come let us reason together.” It doesn’t say “It’s my way or the highway.” There is always common ground if you take the time to look for it and approach the person with kindness and respect. This is what our generation needs to pass down.

20. I agree that we need to be examples to others on being kind & gracious. With so many outside sources telling everyone how to think & act, we must try our best not to fall prey to them. I have never liked the commercials you spoke about because I felt they made it seem okay to make fun of others. As part of my daily prayer ritual, I pray the prayer of St. Francis which addresses many of the values that might be lacking in our lives. I try to live by the motto: Always be kind & thankful.

21. I don’t watch TV, so I’m not familiar with the ad or the children’s program that you reference, but the topic of kindness is a good one for us to consider. Sadly, politics and some of the big topics of today have become very divisive and people seem to have lost the ability to discuss and disagree respectfully. I think that social media has exacerbated this problem as it’s much easier to be argumentative and rude online than it is face to face. Unfortunately, that spills over into our in-person interactions. I believe that kindness and simple civility, whether welcomed or not, have the power to break down those divisions though. I think of one example from my own experience. During the pandemic, an acquaintance, who lives nearby and who used to attend the same church as me, became so nasty toward me on Facebook over our differing opinions about masking and vaccines that I eventually unfriended her. We often encounter one another while out walking and until very recently, she completely ignored me. I continued to smile and say hello and the last twice that I’ve seen her, she’s started to warm up and greet me. Baby steps, I know, but we can always choose the high road and be the one to extend kindness. We never know when even a tiny act of kindness will make a big difference to someone’s day. Let’s set the example!

22. We have many differences in our family, racial, religious and political. We all have agreed to never talk politics or religion at the dinner table. This goes way back to when I was growing up. I’m 80 next month so I still feel this is a good and kind way to share time with friends and family. We live in a mostly older neighborhood of 46 homes. We have all gotten to be friends even with opposing signs on each lawn. We are gathering on Sunday for a Friendsgiving dinner that sides and desserts are potluck and turkey and ham are paid for by the HOA. 50 people have signed up to go. It will be our only Thanksgiving dinner so we are very happy to have this gathering. We have gotten close in the 9 years we have lived here. Kindness is the life’s blood of our generation. Thank you for todays blog.

23. Hi Pam, I have been reading you for years & don’t think I have ever commented…. but you have me thinking about this today…..
    I DO think “Kindness” is different to different people, irrespective of our ages, i.e. my husband & I see it differently. I am pretty much exactly your age.

    We are lucky to travel a fair bit & the graphic tee I wear on planes is from Proverbs, something about “Kind words being like honey.” It is the most commented on garment I have ever worn!

    I believe kindness involves treating everybody politely, respectfully, & hopefully w a smile. But does it necessarily involve sharing, or getting their, life story….. no. I think part of it is respecting their TIME! People, especially service people, health care workers, & cashiers are so BUSY! & Frequently short-staffed. (I say this coming from the viewpoint of being a still-practicing health care worker.) When my husband wants to engage in lengthy conversations with them to know about their lives…… I find THAT unkind. “Come on! They are BUSY!!!” If they are sitting there twiddling their thumbs, looking lonely, that’s 1 thing, but that rarely seems the case anymore.

    And as for the holiday dinner tables sadly being torn asunder….. my young-adult daughter & I had this conversation yesterday while in the car listening to a radio segment about it. She understands it more than I do, & I have expressed that I don’t feel ANYTHING is worth ripping family apart. Goodness knows I don’t always agree with my family, but I do always LOVE them.

    Although I hadn’t been offended by them, in fact, I kind of admired their ability to quickly capture stereotypes & feel like I RECOGNIZE stereotypes in them, I do see your point about the ads….. I will pay closer attention the next time I am, for some reason, unable to Fast Forward through the commercials. 😉

    BTW – I have never had a social media account & do not plan to EVER have one! Simply because I perceive it as such an unkind environment.

    I guess I’m not really sure what my point mite be, but Kindness is quite important to me too, & yet, I feel like we mite have a bit of a different perception. And just wanted to comment……….

24. I completely agree with you on the importance of kindness and how rare it is becoming. All three of my grandkids (3, 6 & 9) attend private Christian schools, so our experience may be unique, but I see a major emphasis on kindness in their curricula. When Crayola brand came out with the “Colors of Kindness” line last year the girls wanted all the things (crayons, mittens, bracelets, etc.) and gifting them a few items gave me the chance to tell them how important it is to me that they be kind to everyone. I always say “I don’t care if you are the smartest, or prettiest, or most athletic girl in your class; I want you to be the kindest.” I’m in Texas with a very southern heritage, which as Mary Ruth mentioned, means I will talk to everybody and take a personal interest in them. But I try to read their cues in case they don’t want to engage in personal conversation. Many of our young people have zero patience because their whole world is that phone in their hand and its ability to deliver information or entertainment in nanoseconds. I try not to inflict my tendency toward long stories on them unless something is truly relevant to the matter at hand. But I know how much it means to me when someone wants to hear my story, and I try to engage with others in a way that allows them to share theirs. So many “invisible” people just need someone to see them as human and acknowledge them, from waitstaff to retail clerks and others in service industry jobs. If the customer ahead of me is rude I express sadness at how they were treated. A lot of times just asking “how are you holding up?” gets a more truthful response than the plain “how are you?” I learned that phrase from a nurse during COVID and still practice it today when I see someone in a stressful situation. My pastor dismisses us every Sunday with these words of benediction, which I feel are good words to live by: “Depart now, with the spirit of God in Christ in you. For the world needs your light and your hope and your deep, deep courage. So go; be brave, be strong, be kind and be love. Always be love.”

25. So glad you commented…and actually, I think we do agree and have much of the same perception. Love your Proverbs tee!

26. Love how your Pastor sends you off each week!

27. Hi Pamela
    I think you offer a blog with kindness, so thank you! I like Texas Aggie Mom’s comment.

28. Great topic! I think we could all go on and on.
    I treat everyone with Kindness, consideration and always smile when someone is coming the opposite way.
    Our generation definitely treated everyone better.
    We are far more evolved. Sad that so many young people can only talk to people who think like them. Ridiculous.
    Several years ago I stopped watching the morning shows since they always acted surprised that someone was kind or did the right thing. I kind of thought – who do they people hang out with? I don’t have anything in common with them. When did having a good character become something of the past? Everyone I know still holds the door for people and being kind is just what you do.
    Thank you for the topic.

29. so needed! I’m sad that being kind, treating others as you would like to be treated has become political! Being kind, being respectful of others has never been something Ive had to think twice about. It’s what you do as an upright human being, as person living in the world. It’s not about agreeing or disagreeing with others, or even liking what they do or say. You’re kind to others. Greeting unkindness with the same doesn’t make for a good interaction or a good place to live. And it’s just as easy to be kind as it is to be awful, maybe even more so.

30. My friend’s mother always said “Being nice to someone doesn’t cost you a dime.”
    I love that quote.

31. Great post and I have found a little kindness goes a long way. I am finding kindness extended to my husband and myself when we are shopping, appointments etc. My husband can walk around the house but long distance walking is difficult, so we have a transport wheelchair. The many people who offer help to me is so gratifying, so thankful for their kindness.

32. I’ve just spent a few days sitting at my dad’s bedside (86 years old) and watching him interact with his caregivers. He is polite, speaks his thankfulness for what they do for him, and humorous. If given the opportunity, he is interested in their lives as well. I’ve watched him become a favorite of theirs and generate a smile on their faces. I also see how hard it is to be elderly. Things that I might do at the younger age of 62 are seen in a different way just because my parents are older. Managing the technology involved with my dad’s care (pacemaker, insulin pump) and all the stimulation that comes with a hospitalization is a lot, and I’ve seen how this has shooken my mom’s confidence. As I sat with my parents, I noticed the signs in his room and on the elevator reminding visitors that assault on the caregivers is a criminal offense and will be prosecuted. What is this world coming to that we need signs like this?! But I also know from my nieces’ experiences how common this is. I also have a tee shirt that says “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” I am tracking with all the above expressed posts, and I am reminded of the phrase I often used with my children to express kindness to others – I called it “common courtesy.” It covered a lot 🙂

33. Thank you for sharing!

34. I think the unkindness started with incivility and then got worse. One of the worst cases I’ve seen was David Letterman’s interview with Lindsay Lohan over a decade ago. There he was, a middle=aged man, making fun of a young woman who couldn’t really defend herself. He was funny, but in a mean, sarcastic way. It was so unbecoming. Social media has made it worse. Name calling and race baiting is terrible and makes some people tolerant of rudeness. I don’t think our generation does thi, and I don’t see women doing it. We were taught to be polit. So, to answer your question, I think you lead by example with your grandkids, and you listen, respectfully to what they have to say. You do this already I know. And, to others, just be nice. I was at the deli counter today and joked to the young woman behind the counter, how the counters were made for people taller than we are (as it was hard to see each other). She smiled and responded — nicer for her than filling my order in total silence.

35. There are so many new people to meet and enjoy and learn from!

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