Sunday Mornings at Home

Sunday mornings at home

Happy Sunday, friends! Welcome to Sunday mornings at home!

These posts share with you what has been on my mind the past week and what is on my mind for the week ahead.

Whew!  Last week was so busy coming off of vacation with lots of activity.

I love it but find myself looking forward to just sitting in my comfy chair later today and watching the Super Bowl.

Mr. B and I will be feasting on my homemade chili for the event!

 I do have an important topic on my mind this morning, so get your own comfy space, warm beverage and let’s get started.



Sunday Mornings at Home

One of our faithful Deborahs in this audience recommended this book.

It is The Thoughtful Dresser by Linda Gant.

I read it cover to cover on vacation, and it is an interesting read.

Please allow me to share with you what captured my attention on page 108:

“When the British version of this book appeared, I did a reading at a literary festival and a woman in the audience raised her hand.  She said she was a psychotherapist, and in the course of seeing many depressed patients, women who had little self-esteem, she sometimes thought that instead of the ‘talking cure’ they might be better helped by going to see a good department store stylist who would bring some color into their lives and show them they were beautiful…”.

 The author followed that comment with this… “a stylist is no less than an expert in teaching women to love themselves.”

Many of you know I support this 100%, because at age 50 I experienced a makeover that pulled me up out of down time in my life.

A time I had placed me at the bottom of my priority list.

Sunday Mornings at Home

Stylist Stacy London writes, “It’s not an overstatement to say that style teaches me over and over how to live in my skin.  It helps me find courage and confidence and control when I feel I have none. While I was drawn to the world of fashion as a little girl because of its sparkle, I love the world of style now because I understand it’s transformative power.”

I write about this here…often.  Our style is our calling card.

The first thing anyone sees about us before we say a word.

Therefore, I am deeply concerned about social media (particularly Tik Tok and SnapChat) teaching young people that SLOB fashion is in.

It was even written about in The Guardian Here.

On Tik Tok, young people are encouraged to dress like slobs, forgo two weeks-notice if they want to leave a job, and the best jobs are ones where you work at home.

Slob fashion speaks to the world that the wearer has no work ethic.

Most of us are mothers, grandmothers, teachers, or know young adults.

I encourage you to speak out and share the dangers of dressing like a slob…unless you are in bed.

Slob fashion will result in depressed, uninspired youth.

Sunday Mornings at Home

Recently, I stopped by my favorite high end department store for shoe shopping.

I was with a friend, and a young woman walked up beside us.

She had her pulled back in a sloppy clip, an oversized hoodie, and sweatpants.

I was shocked when she asked if she could help us.

I have never seen anyone dressed like that in a fashion department store….remember dress for the job you want, not for the job you have?

My heart went out to her and wondered how management let it happen.

We do not do young people any favors if we do not train and guide them.

It is simple….our choice of clothing MATTERS.  The clothing speaks messages about the wearer.

I am not being judgmental…only a very concerned grandmother.

Sunday Mornings at Home

Please join me as we shed some light on the young people we have influence with.

I hope you see that it is an important issue and thanks for allowing me a soap box moment.

Next week, there is lots of fashion fun.  You guys have been amazing with your comments that help others and me as well.

Thank you for being here…you are a big part of my GRATITUDE LIST!

Have a wonderful day…enjoy your Super Bowl celebration if you are part of one…and join me tomorrow with a discussion about some of my favorite basics…and always….


By Pamela Lutrell

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Sunday Mornings at Home


  1. I couldn’t agree with you more! I just finished The Thoughtful Dresser and found the essays very moving and truthful. Grant is a talented writer who reveals the historic scope of dressing and adornment, especially powerful when she tells about a very stylish survivor of the Holocaust.
    My favorite stylist/educator has to be the charming Marie-Anne Lecoeur. She has a wonderful blog, Youtube, and offers French Chic style courses for all body types.
    We owe it the younger generation to dress well. Hopefully, the pendulum will eventually swing back to style. Thank you for bringing this topic to or attention!

  2. I totally agree with you Pamela about slob “fashion”. I recently had a similar experience, I was getting my nails done and a young woman walked into the salon wearing pajamas and fluffy slippers! I think one reason young women have been sold this idea of slob “fashion ” is that they’ve been brain washed into thinking that attractive clothes are uncomfortable. High heels are a big part of the truth there. However, you don’t have to wear heels or anything else that’s uncomfortable to be stylish and attractive. I believe that we older wiser women need to take a stand and comment what’s attractive and comfortable. And that’s my soap box. Thanks for bringing up an important subject on appearance.

  3. That you for sharing Jacque! I do believe this is an important topic that has ballooned with our youth because so few say nothing about it.

  4. Fashion evolves and changes. Once upon a time, pants on a woman were daring and probably sloppy. Also, because they were staggeringly expensive compared to today, certain clothes set you up as being of a higher class, which conveyed privileges. That said, some people (not just young ones, but often young, because they are more impressionable) are really pushing the envelope of evolving fashion, which took a huge turn during the pandemic. When I sub, a noticeable number of students look like they just rolled out of bed … slippers, pajama bottoms, gigantic hoodie that doesn’t match anything, bedhead. In the workplace, if you say anything about it, your employees quit. I try to lead by example. If we have family influence with younger people, it really would help to start this discussion in a nonjudgmental way. I really do, however, think and hope this will change some with maturity. I remember the Sixties and Seventies, when we really dressed sloppily too.

  5. I went to a symphony concert yesterday & there were many people that looked like slobs.
    I know you shouldn’t judge but do people just not care how they look?

  6. After reading the Guardian article, it looked like we can lay a bit of the blame for confusion on the major designers and the catwalk styles. I do understand that many of our younger generation see chaos in the world and perhaps get discouraged and depressed. Living through the awkward handling of Covid certainly was disruptive. Wars are a puzzler. Mean people abound on social media. The world is more egalitarian. I get that. Kids tend to follow what their friends are wearing. My teenage granddaughters are heavily into Lululemon for daily school wear. Some of the athletic wear worn can seem too revealing to me at times. I think I’d actually prefer the big sweatpants and sweatshirt to some of that stuff. Do you remember when you’d discard your kids school clothes because was a rip or hole? Budgets also play a part nowadays. Big sigh. I miss their younger years when I could buy “cute” clothes for them and they loved them!

  7. I think it would be interesting to have a discussion on how to wear “sweats” and look pulled together. Sweats are having a moment. I searched sweatshirt on Talbots and came up with a large selection of all sorts of printed tops to hoodies. I myself purchased a French terry set on sale from Eileen Fisher that I love but am struggling to find a way to make them look more than housebound. I’ve thought about contrasting longer tee underneath, better shoes or boots, jewelry-not sure. Any thoughts??

  8. Your store story is pretty surprising — especially if the store is really trying to sell clothing. Let me stick up for young people though. Rebellion is a normal part of youth as is insecurity and fitting in. The ‘uniform’ is important to them. Also, with all the problems facing them, especially climate change, they are not concerned with superficial issues like how they look. I think they are wrong because if you want to influence people, you will have a much easier time if you meet them on their own ground — and that includes how you look. But the values you have taught them, those are always there despite the sometimes unattractive package they are clothed in.

  9. Interesting that you mentioned the “look” of many young people today. I was out shopping with friends yesterday – despite the fact that it was a nasty, rainy, chilly day, we were dressed, hair styled and had makeup on. When I got home, I mentioned to my husband that there were several young people at the restaurant where we had brunch and they all looked like they had just rolled out of bed, thrown on jeans. sneakers and a hoodie. Period. Almost without exception, no thought about their appearance! There was a couple sitting next to us and they were on their phones the whole time. Maybe they were texting one another! Sad.

  10. There is nothing wrong with sweats…we all wear them…but not to work unless you work in a gym.

  11. I am thankful that my adult kids and grandchildren dress nice for work and special occasions. Of course sweats are fine at home, but dressing nice in college actually helped one of mine get an amazing internship. What do you want to say to the world about you with your clothing?

  12. Concern that our youth are being programmed to be less than they are and to be depressed…is a major concern for me.

  13. I read a lot of this attitude on social media and among nieces/nephews, “don’t you dare tell me I have to go back into work.” They’ve all had CVOID, it’s not like they don’t want to go out to save their health.

    As someone who crawled up the career ladder in the 80s & 90s dressing for the job I wanted -which I eventually got!- it runs entirely against my experience. Rather than say what I think and be written off for such a Boomer attitude I let it go. Time will tell how it works out for them.

    I feel like my children already got the message. My daughter is a partner in her law firm, is not one to be a slob or think she should work in her fluffy slippers at home. Lawyers need hours to bill and clients to sign up. When it comes to bringing in work image and personal presence matter.

  14. When I was in college, Rose, I interned in the summer for an attorney’s office. They expected me to dress nicely and I am so glad that I began to learn how important it is in my 20s. I started college wearing overalls…you read that right…but quickly learned that did not help me in any way. I ended college dressing for class as if I were going to work and that helped to open doors. Dress for the job you want….

  15. Thanks for the clarification. My heart goes out to today’s youth and I seek ways to help them discover joy and opportunity no matter who they are or where they live.

  16. This is so true and such a shame. I even remember my husband coming home from the convience store once and saying “they are now wearing pajamas out in public, it looks like they just rolled out of bed and couldn’t bother to shower and get dressed”. Just over the past year I was at the dentist and the hygienist asked me if I was going to work after my appointment; I said I was retired and she asked me if I always dressed up every day. When I went to another Dr appointment the doctor asked me if I was going out after the visit because I was dressed up. Mind you I only had nice ponte pants and a sweater from Chico’s, bow flats, earrings and maybe a bracelet. I guess they are used to seeing sloppy attire. It really is sad that some believe it is fashionable to look sloppy and disheveled.

  17. There is one more thing that I want to add if I may … What message are we sending when we pay $100 or more for jeans that are frayed or worse yet, have deliberate rips and tears in them? We are mimicking a lived in or beaten-up look that is superficial in the primary meaning of the word — “on the surface” — when we have not lived or worked in those clothes.

  18. I completely agree Maeve…especially with the ripped denim! I do wear jeans gently frayed at the bottom for casual…but I do not wear the ripped with holes…sends the wrong messages.
    I think fashion professionals laughed all the way to the bank on the ripped denim.

  19. Great article, I just downloaded The Thoughtful Dresser to my Kindle, and will probably get Stacey London’s book also. My Mom always told me to be presentable when out and about and I still feel better when dressed in clean well fitted clothes. I don’t have grandchildren to pass my ‘wisdom’ to , but I will say my friends grandchildren dress fairly well, there’s still hope at out there…..great article and comments from the other ladies.

  20. Great, and I think important, topic this morning. I see pajama-bottom dressing frequently amongst youth and what appear to be poor folks here in rural southern Oregon. It makes me sad because in either demographic, I am 99% certain they have access to better daily wear. Our thrift shops alone could outfit most with better choices, and there are churches with “clothes pantry” days each week. What is lacking is a fundamental sense of caring, whether following the extended lockdowns or from a lifetime living in poverty, feeling it matters not how they step into the world – because they will be going right back into their environment, and reinforced proof (they might believe) of nothing mattering. So very sad.

  21. I have put my name on a volunteer list at a new clothing pantry to be built at our church. One way I can hopefully make a difference.

  22. Wow! Well said about women being depressed and how they can improve their self esteem by helping them look better and feel better about themselves.
    I agree with you on the young people today. They are way too sloppy and don’t care about how they look and also take the path of least resistance. What a great story about the person working in the shoe department. Too bad that is what is happening everywhere today.
    I’m going to try to get the two books you recommended. Thanks.

  23. While in college my niece learned that people treated her with more respect when she was dressed well rather than in jogging pants and a sweatshirt. February in Wisconsin allows us to wear anything under our coats, however, kicking it up a notch adds confidence during the winter doldrums. (A little Jergens tanning lotion helps, too.)

  24. Love this topic today, Pamela, and I snapped that book right up! I think that the desire to be a snappy dresser is in my genes, but with me it was my dad and grandfather who passed it down (although my mom was always well dressed, too). In the 1920’s, they called Granddad “Jelly,” the term for someone who always looked sharp! Even as a very young girl, I remember saving my allowance so that I could buy the latest fashion. To your point, I ran across this quote years ago and it’s always been one of my favorites: “Fashion and the way we look are part of our human condition. It’s tribal and social and personal. I don’t think it’s superficial; it’s quite profound.” (Anonymous) I, too, am surprised at what some (not only young) people choose to wear. A real eye-opener is watching the videos on Nordstrom’s website displaying their fashions. While I try not to judge someone too harshly on their appearance (you never know what someone is going through), thank goodness my grandaughter picked up my fashion sense (and she’s adorable LOL).

  25. Pamela, Thank you for your post today. I could not agree more. I wish that I could say that dressing as though you don’t care was only a youth phenomenon, but I see it among people in their 30s and 40s and even most boomers. I work from home as a private music teacher. I always dress nicely when I teach. I want to look like the professional I am. I also love fashion and feel better about myself when I look good. I frequently wear skirts and dresses at work. I do not dress in corporate style (i.e., suits, dark, somber colors) because that is not appropriate for my job. I have a very colorful style that both suits my personality, my warm, bright season, and my clientele (mostly children). Because I teach from home, I do not go “out into the world” on a daily basis. When my husband and I do, it is usually to go out to eat. I have noticed in recent years that if we go to someplace like Olive Garden or Outback Steakhouse, we are virtually the only ones dressed nicely. On my 68th birthday this past fall we went to Olive Garden. While waiting for our food to arrive, I did my usual surreptitious people watching. Of all the customers in the dining room there was only one soul other than me and my husband that was dressed in what I would consider an appropriate manner. I saw middle-aged men and women wearing wrinkled, worn-looking shorts, ill-fitting sweat pants, sloppy faded t-shirts, flip-flops, etc. Many looked so “casual” that they appeared to have come to the restaurant straight from working in the yard. I don’t look as bad as they when I am working in the yard! To tell the truth, the young people in the dining room didn’t look as inappropriately dressed as their elders, though they were still dressed in jeans and worn tees. The only person in the dining room who looked as though she made an effort to put on something nice was an 80 something year old woman. I guess it is a sign of the times. Every time I have gone out to eat in the past several years I have observed the same sort of thing. No attention paid towards one’s appearance. Every time I have made this observation, it makes me wonder how the fashion industry is surviving. No one in my neck of the woods seems to be buying nice looking clothing. If they do, they sure aren’t wearing it at our local restaurants.

  26. Last night I attended basketball games at the high school where I taught chemistry and physics for 28 years, and your description of slob dress was so evident. I realize it was a local Saturday night sports event in a small town, and if I go out, I tend to try to accelerate my clothing a bit, but so many folks I saw seemed comfortable in your described sloppy wear. I admit that joggers and sweatpants are comfortable and I do wear them around the house, but rarely will I wear them when I go anywhere even to Walmart. I too would have been very surprised if a salesperson was dressed as you described, but perhaps this is a result of our lived-through pandemic, and people not wanting to return to jobs outside of the home.

  27. I think it’s a question of balance. If you look at some vintage photos of people shopping, the women wore dresses and the men often wore suits and hats. So different from today! I really appreciate our more casual approach today, but I agree it’s gone toooo far in the other direction. Sometimes I’ve been in a medical environment on “casual day” and it just felt strange to see the nurses wearing PJ bottoms and sweatshirts. I would have been shocked also to have a saleswoman dressed so casually in a high end department store.

  28. I do think shutting everything down, and sending people home was where a lot of this began to foster.

  29. My greatest concern is very young people in regard to the workforce and understanding that clothing sends a message about who we are.

  30. I agree that the slob look is a sad commentary on how we view the world around us. My older granddaughter recently became engaged. Her fiancé proposed to her at a lovely park before they went to dinner for the anniversary of their first date. I was so happy to see her in a pretty dress for their dinner date. When I see people, young or old, dressed sloppily, I think about their self-esteem. As you noted, it might be a cry for help.

  31. Thanks for the post. I am so thankful for my mother who taught me to dress for the occasion. I was a farmer’s daughter who worked in the fields and gardens. But when we went to school, church, shopping, or grandma’s house we dressed for the occasion. Our clothes were limited but always clean and pressed
    Thanks again Mom

  32. I agree with you Pam, when I pick my grandaughter up from school I’m so surprised at how some of the teachers are dressed, for me leggings, tshirts and a your hair piled up do not look very proffesional or jeans untucked tshirts and wrinkled flannel shirts if you look like a student how are you going to get the respect you deserve, I don’t have a problem with the jeans but wear them like the proffesional you are

  33. I agree with Kathy that sloppy dressing is not only for the young. Even at high end restaurants you see middle aged and older people wearing jeans and t-shirts. At her office recently our lawyer was dressed in clothes that I would not even wear to Costco. Fashion seems to have been going downhill for several generations. My grandmother would not think to ever go out without her corset, hose, small heels, and a nice dress. She never wore pants. My great grandmother always wore gloves and a little hat. I love the old movies from the 40’s that show people dressed so stylishly. It’s sad that people have lost the joy of dressing up and looking nice.

  34. Thank you for your suggestion regarding The Thoughtful Dresser. There were some wonderful insights, though I did think the book could have been edited for a smoother read. There are some institutions that used to help hold the line for less informal dressing. Though in our congregation, no one is turned away for how they dress, there is still a Sunday best standard which I really appreciate. Here young children and teens can get used to something besides sweat pants and t-shirts. There also used to be restaurants that had a dress code. Normally they would have a few sports jackets if a gentleman needed one. I am not suggesting we go back to the days when people dressed up for almost everything outside the house, but the informality of life seems to be descending to a level which is not helpful for anyone. It’s too bad there cannot be a “walk for looking good”. We could all wear something casual and nice and not sloppy and stop traffic and cheer each other on! Thank you for your wonderful blog. Keep going!

  35. I was out at the theatre last night in Melbourne,Australia and I was so delighted to see people of all ages dressed up and looking their best.There were three teenagers that drew my attention.The young men were wearing lovely light coloured jackets and stylish shoes and the young lady wore a midi length tube dress with matching shoes and a cute clutch bag.I did not see any sloppy dressers in the theatre. I love visiting our city during the week to see the outfits the office workers wear as they do seem to care about their appearance.
    There is a mixed-bag of dressing “styles” in the suburb where I live and I wonder if people even look in the mirror to see how they present themselves to the world.I know they definitely like taking selfies though.
    I am glad you brought this subject up.

  36. Pam,
    All these comments sound like our parents ( or my generation’s) who said we were going to hell because: we liked rock and roll, wore long hair, protested the war, fought for women’s rights & equal rights. I did all those things but graduated with a 3.9 gpa, raised three fantastic boys married to lovely capable, strong women. So sometimes we have to give it time! We had a granddaughter who went thru a grunge period who is now PA in Neuro intensive care at a major NE hospital. There was a time we thought she might be a hobo but finding her niche, she gets high accolades for her knowledge & expertise.
    However, why the heck doesn’t the store have dress requirements? I put it all on them quite frankly.

  37. One thing I should add, Pam, I abhor, truly abhor, body art! Not crazy about numerous piercings either but tattoos you live with unless you spend a great deal of money to erase them. I know it’s my picadillo and I say nothing but it sure bothers me!

  38. Great post, Pam! I always dress for work and even think through my casual looks so I looked polished and pulled together. I love getting dressed up for the theater or a concert. I hate the pajamas/sloppy sweats-in-public looks. I agree that it speaks volumes about how the person feels about themselves. My grandmothers and mother always took care with their appearance. I think of them every day as I get dressed.

  39. Agree on Marie-Anne. I’ve taken her academy courses and continue to learn from her. U n

  40. I sub as a secretary in the school district (from which I retired) and am appalled at what the teachers/secretaries/students wear or “don’t wear.” I’m always complimented on my outfits and think to myself, why don’t they take time to dress better…I see too many tight jeans/tee shirts/leggings and abbreviated tops, false eyelashes that reach the eyebrows, and piercings. I’m in what is considered one of the most upscale cities in my state but dressing as everyone does is “not cool.” A problem for me is the students are not cited for what they wear; I think everyone is concerned that the “lawyer” will be brought into the conversation.

  41. I think I may be in the minority here, perhaps being younger than many of the intended readers, but I believe sweatshirts & sweatpants CAN be worn outdoors (agreed not at work though, unless you’re in a sporty or creative field) so long as they’re ‘refined’ versions. ———————————————————————————————- What do I mean by ‘refined’? This will depend on your body type, personal colouring & style – e.g. some people look great in a matching sweatsuit (same colour etc) but others tend to look drab that way. My advice would be to take whatever style ‘rules’ you use for your usual outdoor fashion & try applying them to your loungewear. I’ll give you 3 examples that apply to myself (as a Deep Autumn season & Romantic/ Soft Classic Kibbe Type). —————————————————————- Example 1: I never wear ripped, faded or distressed jeans (I look sloppy in them), so I also keep my athleisure free of such ‘damaged’ looks. Example 2: If look better in high contrast & ornate looks, so adding a bib necklace to a sweatshirt or fancy shoes with your sweatpants. Example 3: If have a more pear shaped body, so waist definition is important – I either tuck in my jumpers or wear a longer topper (a sleeveless longline jacket or puffer can work great). I also can’t do volume on volume (too petite) so no wide legs or dropped shoulders for me! All my sweatpants have elasticated cuffs – I like wearing them with either exposed ankles or tucked into shorter boots, for more flattering proportions. —————————————————————————— Sorry for the novel, but I hope that helps? I know times are changing, so we want to keep somewhat abreast of trends, but I think this strikes a happy medium between prioritising comfort but forgoing decoration altogether.

  42. My church in Fort Worth operates a large clothing ministry for both adults and kids, if anyone at your church might want to connect and see how ours operates. I’m always amazed at the number of coats we are able to distribute every winter! We also focus heavily on the required pieces for public school uniforms in our immediate area, as we are an inner city church in one of the most economically challenged zip codes in Texas. Since retiring last summer I have been working one afternoon a week in our food pantry, and it is one of the most rewarding “jobs” I’ve ever done. Good for you for getting involved! I hope you find it as fulfilling as I do.

  43. I enjoyed The Thoughtful Dresser so much, and recently put in my “to re-read” stack. Thanks for this reminder. I’m going to see if my local library has Stacy’s book, as I’m trying to spend less on books that can be borrowed instead. I am always considered “overdressed” by most of my friends, even when just wearing a sweater and dark, pressed jeans. I blame a lot of today’s extremely sloppy and casual clothing choices on the pandemic. I will admit that I didn’t wear real clothes for weeks at a time while working from home and being in lockdown. For years I was one who didn’t even go for a five mile run without putting on minimal makeup and a cute matching jogging outfit. These days I’m trying to find the middle ground, dressing down with less emphasis on hair and makeup on the days I babysit my toddler grandson, but making a lot more effort when going to church, volunteering, running errands and visiting friends. I taught my girls when they were pre-school age that our clothes send messages. Pajamas say “I’m going to bed” and swimsuits say “I’m going swimming.” This generally helped them make better choices, although my two year old once attended Sunday night kids’ church in a red one-piece swimsuit, a tutu and cowboy boots. I was a single mom and just couldn’t fight about it any more. She also sported a button that said “I dressed myself today!” Fun memories, but as a teacher today I always admire the way she dresses for school and church activities. I completely agree with your thoughts on how our style and self-image are so closely related, and look forward to future posts on this important topic.

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