Myths About Aging: #1
Happy Friday, everyone! Welcome to my first post on Myths about Aging: #1.
Recently, while waiting for a service, I found myself in a conversation with a woman in her seventies which has resulted in my desire to combat myths about aging.
I do not believe she will read these posts…but, I actually hope that she does. I did give her my website address.
She believes that once you hit 70…everything in your life is done….that’s right…done, finished, over.
Though we are not dead yet, she says there is no way to enjoy your passions, because no one will take you seriously.
When she discovered that I write a blog and participate in social media, she looked miffed and said….WHY?
I explained that I love writing…love to create…love fashion…and love to help other women.
Basically, she thought I was living in a dream world that anything I do would be considered valuable.
She said blogging and social media is for young people and I need to realize that I would be looked at as a clown.
She also said this about a love of fashion…it is for young women and people who live in big cities.
She flat out said that I am wasting my time to enjoy what I do. I needed to be realistic and see it in my past….kiss it good-bye.
In my head, I was thinkiing…this is one of the myths about aging and I don’t buy it.
A less confident woman may have gone home crying and depressed.
I did not need her to like me or to validate me. I left the conversation feeling sad for her.
There were two main myths about aging in this conversation that I plan to address.
The first myth: AFTER AGE 70, STOP PURSUING YOUR PASSIONS.
MYTHS ABOUT AGING: #1: PURSUE YOUR PASSION ALWAYS
Yes, I have been passionate about fashion since I was a young girl.
I believe our passions help to keep us youthful.
Iris Apfel seemed to be passionate about fashion until she left this earth…Anna Wintour at age 74 is still passionate….Betty Halbreich still works in her 90s at Bergdorf Goodman.
I can think of many others…and believe our passions are part of our joy and mental wellness….no matter what those passions are.
I choose to inspire others to look and feel our best every day….not like a red carpet runway…but in a way where we can face each day with confidence and joy.
Retiring from our passions when we retire from the work world is the the top myth among my myths about aging.
The conversation had the adverse affect on me….She actually inspired me to go out and have a little fashion fun.
When I want to really play stylist…I head to the resale or consignment shop for a treasure hunt.
MYTHS ABOUT AGING: #1: DON’T STOP WHAT YOU LOVE
This is one of my very favorite things to do and I plan to do it as long as I can get out and about.
The treasure hunt is part of the fun.
Recently, I came home with this Lafayette 148 NY top. It can be worn as a topper or as a tunic…I like the first way.
Shopping consignment/thrift gives me a way to enjoy quality, designer clothing at a low price…and most consignment stores also have sales. I love a really good deal.
The shell necklace I have on here is also from a consignment shop years ago.
I realize this top takes some vision…but I fell for it.
This is vintage Johnny Was.
Since it is in my color palette, I got excited thinking of what I might do with it.
There was something about this top that I loved…and in a consignment shop…I can justify the expense.
I enjoy this type of styling challenge…so much fun to go home and play.
I know women over 70 that when they desire to pursue their passions, they might pick up a paintbrush, sit at a piano, dig in a garden…but not sit still and be sad it is over.
If anyone is laughing at me…let them laugh…I will laugh along at the fun I enjoy still today.
What about you? What are your passions…are you pursuing them or did you already hang them up?
If you have, I encourage you to take them back down and pursue what you love…we are not done!
Have you confronted anyone who believes like the woman does…if so…remember this is the first of the myths about aging.
It is a total myth…absolutely not true.
See you tomorrow as I pursue my passion and report on another 2024 Fashion Trend…until then….
STAY STRONG & KEEP SMILING!!
By Pamela Lutrell
Shop summer outfits and sales with your favorite retailers on my SHOPPING LINKS page.
What a very strange woman. I am 83 years old and love fashion – I help a 65 year old fiend with her business selling clothes, There are very many customers in their 60s 70s and even 90s all still interested in their appearance. My friends walk, go on cruises, paint, work volunteer in churches, village halls etc. I had one friend alas now deceased who in her 80s gave up working as a police interpreter and took up sculpting in clay making very accurate of the birds she remembered from her homeland. Another friend drove until she was 98 years of age, went into residential care when she was 99 but still continued seeing her friends and retaining her interest in local politics – she died exactly 20 days after her 100th birthday. She had her party, met her most recent great granddaughter, received her card from the queen presented to her by our town’s mayor together with a large bouquet.
Thanks for sharing this, Audrey. I also know there are many women who love living life and looking their best while living it! She actually inspired me to keep on keeping on with a smile and passion!
Pam, how sad for that woman! I’m sure your sunny attitude brightened her day a smidge, maybe more than she showed. Maybe she will consider a different way of thinking in the weeks to come. This period of my life is so wonderful and I am thankful every day to have it. At this stage, most woman have more time to pursue their passions than they had in younger years. Your tops are beautiful. I love thrifting, too.
What a very sad woman you just met. Yesterday I worked with a group of woman who are mostly over 80 or late 70s as we were doing physical work to get our local museum ready to open for summer tours. We had had some renovation to the building during the winter which left things awry. We all aspire to be up to date, positive and interested in current affairs. I did not retire from my career until I was 76 and have not slowed down much since. I am thankful to not be like that poor woman nor do I know anyone who is.
I hope I showed her a different perspective. But there is a part two of this conversation…next week.
How much fun to work together on a museum. I truly hope the majority are not like her.
This is not about aging at all. This is about that one woman. She is either in a lot of pain and misery herself and angry about it and wants others to be miserable, too…or she is a bully wanting to bring others down. Aha! she may have thought…what kind of damage can I do to this pulled together, extroverted, friendly woman. I think you gave yourself the right therapy—a little shopping, writing your feelings out and sharing the story here on your blog with like-minded friends.
Good morning Pam,
Wow, what a discourager that woman would be to have in our life. If she speaks to those around her like that, I can see why life seems “over” to her, people probably avoid her presence. Like you, I’ve loved fashion since I was a teen, and at 63, I still enjoy it, it’s fun! I also love a good thrift/consignment shop, lucky you on a Johnny Was score!!! Retiring from my career has allowed me to spend so much more time on lots of passions, crafting, gardening, serving the Lord and my community. Let’s hope we never “give up”!
I felt very sad for her. Thanks Linlee.
Yes! May we never give up.
After working in a professional, demanding job that I thoroughly enjoyed for over 30 years, I welcomed aging to bring me to a point in my life where I could play. I came from a family of workers; we had a restaurant; all of my siblings and I knew how to work from an early age. I retired at 68 and for the past 5 years I have enjoyed learning to play golf, exercise, read, volunteer etc. I now have time to do all the fun things I couldn’t do when I worked. Fashion has always been a big interest and now I get to share it with my granddaughters! I intend to be a positive role model for my daughter and grands and that means never saying “I can’t”!
Well I am 73 and I can kinda understand where this woman was coming from. Some women do not have the funds to do a lot of things that other women do, am I jealous of that probably. At this point in time it is very hard when you are a widow in a small town, forced to retire from a job that I loved not medical reasons , living with your daughter and her family (which was a huge mistake) but can’t change it. I’m not out for people to feel sorry for me I am just expressing that this lady might have had a lot of things going on in her life. I have always put everyone first and that is a big issue for me. But I do think that we need to really that women have been through different things than others have. I feel sorry for this lady because she was probably a very nice person. But I think after so much you just have a very sad and not a good look on life. Do I feel alone and invisible, definetly. Sorry for this email.
Love your comment, Linda!!
Don’t ever apologize, Dianne, for sharing another side and offering new insight. I hear your discouragement and hope you can discover something new that brings you joy. Choose today to take a baby step…no matter how small..and get out of your house. Even if only to take a walk and focus on what is around you. Pray for direction and new passions! You can find it… and it doesn’t cost a penny. Have hope.
Thrifting is wonderful and I have even found items with tags still on. Such an economical way to shop and save money. I do say that it is important to buy what you need AND love, not just buying because it’s a great deal. In my retirement, I have learned to paint and repurpose existing furniture in our home and love the results!
I honestly do not understand what the big deal is about becoming 70. I do think that we must choose to be positive or negative, but that is true at every age. I went through a period in my 50s when I was quite a grump due to problems we were having in our family. Thankfully I realized that nobody enjoys a grumpy person, and I definitely wasn’t attracting friends. AlAnon was a great help for me as I learned the only person I can change is me. I know the Lord has a purpose for me regardless of my age.
Good for you, Mary. I love to repurpose items…it’s fun!
Yes he does. My mother was someone who thought life changes for the worse at age 70. No idea why that number for some.
Pamela…you look fantastic in the layered ensemble Lafayette 148 NY. And I can’t tell you what joy you bring as your”spirit” shines through. I know that the person you met is inwardly listening, just proud of her blunt explanations for her depression. I know she’s hearing you, she probably has a changed attitude today just because of your great optimism and energy. I’m 74 and still laugh and joke with my 49 yr old daughter-best friend🤣 Thank you for dedicating inspiration to us all. We have great consignment shops here🥰
Sandra Winfield in Granbury TX
Well, that was one bitter woman! I’ve found bitterness often preached to me in the guise of “realism.” Yesterday, volunteers from our condo community cleaned our pool area to open the season. A woman in her eighties used a walker to get to the area (it’s a hike, as it’s a large, park like area), then used her walker and support of a fence to help clean up. She had a great time, contributed what she could to the endeavor, and joined everyone for lunch as well. Her life certainly wasn’t “over,” despite her challenges. Another thing I’ve noticed is that in America, to be taken seriously, you have to monetize your passions. People always tell me to sell my jewelry, but it’s not a business to me, and I’m not interested in that. People sometimes actually get impatient with me as a result, doubling down on how I could sell it. Your “determined-to-be-bitter” lady might feel that only the workplace has value.
Never give up, never surrender!
Oh, goodness. Dianne’s comments and the lady you met, are a tremendous opportunity/reminder to look around at our acquaintances and see who might need some invitations to fun and fellowship. I realize some folks will be inclined to say no, but sometimes we can encourage them into seeing the beautiful possibilities. While maybe we cannot change their circumstances, becoming a friend might shine a little ray of hope.
I am 72 years old and feel like my life is just beginning, in many ways. I have time to spend with grandchildren and pursue volunteer opportunities. I love life! How sad for this woman who has such a difference in opinion.
I agree with Linlee: this is about one woman who has problems or is clinically depressed. I think we should have compassion for her, rather than dismiss her. Unfortunately, unless you have good healthcare it’s hard to get counseling, and people who are older still perceive a stigma in getting mental healthcare. It’s a good reminder that we are not all experiencing “golden years” and that others may be hurting. However, today’s my birthday; the sun is shining; and we’re going out to dinner, so I hope she will excuse me for being happy.
I kinda agree with Diane as they say everyone has a story, at 70 I do feel blessed to have have grandchildren ( 23,18 and 14) that still want to spend time with me and that my husband and I are able to travel a little , I do look forward to your blog everyday because it helps to see clothing and how to wear it for my age so thank you for that and also love your today
Hi Pam,
The lady you were socially engaging with maybe has some issues she’s dealing with. I also feel if you have little or no family close by or have none it makes a huge difference in someone’s perspective. If if she had a lifetime marital partner that tends to be negative it’s difficult to get inspired or find inspiration towards much.
I feel for this ladies outlook on life. She needs to be surrounded by positive uplifting people that instill JOY and that she is valued. It’s hard to be with around anyone that could be a total energy vampire on your happiness or has extreme thinking compared to yours.
You look so Pam, full of JOY in your style today. Good for you for hunting down what you are drawn to.
I love Granbury…I need to get up there to visit! Thanks Sandra.
I think the only reason we talk about monetizing passions, Linda is because we are dealing with such a challenging economy. Do it for fun…do it for money…just enjoy what you do.
I love the story of the woman who helped with the pool! Thank you for sharing her with us.
You got it!
Connie, as always, what a great comment. We should look for others to reach out to who may feel this way. I wish I lived near Dianne.
I often feel like the good times are rolling right now. Thanks Anne.
Happy Birthday, Maeve. I do not mean for her to be dismissed…I simply want to encourage others to live a different way.
Hopefully, today opens our eyes to women like the one and met and we can do what Connie is suggesting and reach out. I love that.
Well, that was a strange conversation. I do have some empathy for the woman. I’m not seventy. I don’t know what seventy feels like. Maybe she’s in pain, physical or emotional, which limits her pursuing her passion.
Thrifting is the best! I’m road testing a whole new look this summer. New palette, new silhouette, new accessories. All spurred by a Goodwill purchase.
Have fun with it, Lily. I think thrifting is so much fun. Honestly, 70 hasn’t felt any different to me at all. I think I am more joyful and healthier than I was in my 50s…I feel the same and sometimes need to remind myself that I am in my 70s. You never know with conversations…she may have just experienced a huge disappointment or loss. I hope she is ok.
I agree with Linlee and the others who have said that the conversation you had wasn’t as much about aging as it was about an individual who is bitter, angry, or maybe just extremely negative for reasons that we aren’t aware of. I do feel sorry for her as her attitude will cause her to miss out on so much. I’m glad that your encounter with her didn’t drag you down, but instead prompted you to write this post which has generated such a great conversation.
At 71, in spite of my health challenges, I’m involved in a number of volunteer pursuits that use my skills and passions, that give purpose to my life, and that give me joy. In fact, I’ll soon be retiring from one of those in order to have more time to devote to some new and exciting opportunities that have recently come my way. Life isn’t over until it’s over and I intend to keep on living it to the fullest for as long as I’m able!
I feel sorry for her as well. I appreciate you so much, Elaine, because I know you have faced many challenges but you go forward, with hope, joy and purpose. I feel confident in saying that you are a blessing to many around you.
The lady reminds me of one of my university lectures in which a gerontologist said, ” When you meet a grouchy, miserable old man/woman be assured they were a grouchy, miserable young man/woman.” I feel for the lady and I’m sorry you met her but glad you can continue to share your joy and your fashion perspective. I zoned in on the necklace in the first picture right off and thought you always pick the right accessory. I have a similar one I inherited from my MIL that I will attempt to wear at least once this week. It would make her smile to see it on me.
First of all Pam, your outfit is probably my all time favorite of anything you have modeled. How fresh and vibrant is the jacket, shell and linen pants. Love it!! That poor woman, what caused her to be so defeated. I’m 73 and have never been happier, I met a wonderful man, who makes feel vibrant and loved, new friends and also keep up with my old dear friends. Volunteering, being social, and yes keeping up with fashion enlivens my days. I’m better off now than ten years ago……love your joyful and thoughful blogs…Happy Memorial Day weekend
Happy Birthday Maeve! Enjoy your day! I feel sad for this woman who is very unhappy for her own reasons. I’m 79, disabled with chronic pain and instability but I get up every morning and smile at my cute little dog awaiting my open eyes. It is difficult to smile with pain but my spirit is light and happy. I still do my chores if slowly. I haven’t been able to color for 3 days but this too shall pass. My severe arthritis in my hands flares up periodically but history tells me that I will have many good days ahead. I believe that gratitude for our lives, for our loved ones including fur babies and the beautiful place I live in the Colorado Rockies. The colors and light changes are remarkable when I look at the mountains out my windows. I clean up and dress nicely if casually to walk the dog. I visit with my neighbors at the mailpod even though my husband gets a little impatient sometimes. If I walk with him, I don’t need my mobility device Charlie. The thing is, I feel so good inside even when my body is going through a rough patch. I get a lot of enjoyment out of reading your blog and all of the ladies comments. It is fun for me. When I was still working in critical care as an RN, there was little time or energy for anything else. I have been retired from nursing since 2001 and retired from managing my husband’s medical practice since 2008. I have time now to sit and read over my tea. I can read all of those great articles in National Geographic and books. Oh my! Time, is such a pleasure now. I hope the lady finds peace in her soul. It will give her so much.
I, too, feel sad for the woman you met & others who are suffering from the hardships of aging. I hope they can find something to put a spark in their lives. My late mother-in-law was a wonderful example of aging well. Well into her 80’s, she was the life of the party & could light up a room. Music was her passion, & even when poor health robbed her of many things, she could still sit down at the piano & play with gusto. She knew so many songs from memory that her failing eyesight didn’t hamper her. I had lunch at a lovely tearoom with a group of remarkable women yesterday. Most of us are close to or have passed the age of 70. One woman was going to Spain & Italy next month. One sells real estate. Several of them garden, some despite having health issues. I am active in my church, redecorating my home a bit at a time & love to read.
Having just spent 15 days with my daughter’s family to welcome the arrival of baby # 3 I am aware that each stage of life presents both joys and challenges. The other children in the family are 3 and 5 years old. The parents deal with sleep deprivation, picky eaters, mountains of laundry and all the trials that we all know with very young children. On the other hand, the kids are so cute and so alive and so loving when they are not exhausted. I remember thinking if I could just get everyone to sleep through the night (when I was a young Mom). So each stage of life will present an array of challenges and joys, I think. The secret of happiness is just that, a secret to be uncovered for each of us. I love fashion. I think it’s helpful to look your best. I love thrifting too. Thanks for this good blog post and all the comments. P.S. I am really tired! I am especially thinking of the grandparents raising young children. They are truly selfless heroes!
Pam,
Thank you for speaking out to, and for older women. I am a retired computer scientist and I left work to pursue a full rich life. I have compassion for women who just exist.They are so sad. I admire your optimistic views. God ,I believe, wants us to live fully in order to Glorify Him.
Keep blogging. You are great.
Marilynn
I’m 76 and am enjoying the happiest time of my life. I have always enjoyed fashion, was a model in my younger days and still enjoy the search for the right special something and dressing up in general. I have many hobbies, friends, volunteer work and reasonably good health. I really enjoy my grandchildren and my late in life marriage. Most of all I like myself better than I did when I was young. Even with health or monetary limitations, life is what you make of it and attitude is everything. I too feel sorry for that lady whose comments are mean spirited.
My first thought when reading this how sad I felt for this woman. She might be dealing with some tough issues. I hope she has a friend that sees she needs some caring, empathy .
A friend that will listen to her & not judge but just be there for her.
That poor lady; perhaps something or someone forced her into this way of thinking. She needs plenty of new friends and, perhaps, some therapy because she could be depressed.
I’m busy every day with all kinds of things. For example, I lead nature hikes in the mountains, chair a semi-judicial town board, participate in a book group, lobe my gum friends, grow veggies and herbs, do fun things with family, etc etc AND HELL YES, I love my clothes & accessories. Gotta embrace every day; push through the difficult and love every minute of the good.
Thanks, Pam, it was a nice day. I know you don’t want this woman dismissed. It is easier, though, for us to dismiss her, especially as she was seriously unkind to you, and we all take your side immediately. Maybe it’s a case of ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ — although you did something more important, making a life lesson from her negativity. I wish, though, that she could get the help she so clearly needs.
I agree, Maeve. I feel sad for anyone who has given up as they age. And I hope I meet her again. I pray for anyone who reads this blog and feels left behind or done. Every day is a gift awaiting us and we have the choice to open it or let it sit unopened.
PS Sorry about typos…I meant-> I love my gym friends. Lol with bad tmj disorder, gum is never on my radar.
I am so sorry you met Debbie Downer! She is to be avoided at all costs. Just say Fiddle-Dee-Dee and walk away. You just keep on doing you and being a bright and cheerful light in this world. ❤️
Learn something new every day. That’s my motto. Even better, learn how to do something new. Try a new method of cooking. Learn about winter sowing and get growing. Download a free app and finally make sense of your personal style. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Putting more life in your days puts more days in your life.
I’m late to the commenting party, but I am so glad that there are women like you and those in your community who live life to the fullest, pursuing passions and enjoying life as long as they’re alive! I’m 59 and constantly searching for examples of women who do just that to inspire me as I get older. It’s not always easy to remain interested and engaged in life, and some people have harder circumstances than others, but I hope I never give up on trying to live an interested and joyful life. Thank you for sharing your experiences, both good and bad. You matter!
Hi Kathy! Thank you for encouraging me!