Extending the olive branch on tucking

extend the olive branch

Happy Thursday, friends.  Today I would like to extend the olive branch on tucking.

First, for anyone in the dark, here is a background of what has been happening this week on the blog:

A comment on my post,  CHICO’S SUMMER OUTFIT IDEAS, hit me the wrong way.

There are many reasons I could offer up about why I took Chris’s comment about tucking the wrong way….but I did…and that is all that matters.

I responded, very strong, in the Sunday post , SUMMER SUNDAYS IN TEXAS….which began a long conversation about tucking in tops vs. not tucking.

I actually believe this conversation was beneficial and helpful to some…but, it could have happened a better way.

In the Sunday post, I wrote what this blog is about and what it is not about.

Here is one more…

THIS BLOG IS ABOUT ADMITTING MISTAKES WHEN I MAKE THEM.

So, Chris, I am extending the olive branch to you.  I ask for your apology as I mistakenly interpreted your comment wrong.

Chris responded and after re-visiting her comment, I do agree that it was not an attack on any of us.  

I really was triggered by that word “Frumpy” and did not want any audience member to feel badly about themselves if they do not tuck.

I see now that Chris was not doing that.

She responded:

Wow, who knew that my simple five or six sentence comment would erupt into the great Texas TnT (Tuck not Tuck) controversy of the summer?

Your subsequent posts seem a bit extreme since you have posted that you yourself might have been somewhat resistant to things like “wearing your colors” in the beginning.

I most certainly did not “attack ” or “berate” you or your followers. Or call them “frumpy” or “resistant to change.”

my original words are as follows:
“Please CONSIDER tucking in your blouse as you posted earlier that a Chico’s employee suggested. (You subsequently told me it was a Talbots employee. I apologize for the mistake.)
The blog Susan After Sixty shows what a difference it makes. I am five one, 150 pounds.”

( added comment here: I’m talking about myself , NOT you or anyone else. I’m pointing out that I personally, NO ONE else, am short and overweight)

to continue what I posted:
“I’m shocked that that simple thing matters. Yes, I am still the same weight but somehow the frump factor is a bit diminished.” For ME, this has been MY experience . I never called anyone else frumpy.
Again I quote:

“Why are WE ( myself included here, and you yourself have written much the same thing , Pamela) women often so afraid of change?”
(A legitimate rhetorical, thoughtful question, not an “attack” of any kind.)

I ended with:
“Just a suggestion”.
A suggestion is just that!

BFN,
C

 

So, Chris, I ask you to forgive me and let’s go forward this summer with shirts either tucked or untucked….and I will listen closely to what you have to say.

I do hope you continue to comment here.

One of the reasons I may have been distracted is that I have been caring for three very active young grandsons this week!

For that reason, I will not have an updated post tomorrow on Friday, but will be here Saturday with another 2024 Fashion Trend.

I ask forgiveness from all for my “quick to judge” attitude.  Yet, the conversation about the topic was awesome and beneficial…this audience rocks.

See you Saturday, ladies.

STAY STRONG & KEEP SMILING!!

By Pamela Lutrell

extend the olive branch

48 Comments

  1. I’m glad, and actually relieved, to see this post. We’ve all taken innocent comments or actions the wrong way at some time. It takes courage to publicly admit that and apologize. (I know this might sound a bit condescending, but that’s not at all how I mean it.) It just feels good to be able to “reset”.

  2. Pam, it’s funny because when I think of “tucking”. …..I think “cooler”…meaning sometimes it’s just cooler with our shirts tails out. Tucking in all the way or just partly front tuck is totally a person’s personal choice. I’ve found the type of bottom layer sometimes determines how my shirt layer is worn. What I like, that you said…it shows how long the shirt or blouse is…GREAT point….from there we can be free to decide, on our own, how to wear an item…have a great day.

  3. It is so easy to read and interpret things wrong when in a hurry. I am happy to set things straight.

  4. Thanks for sharing, Karen. There have been many benefits to this discussion.

  5. Pamela, I really respect you for asking for forgiveness. And I understand about you possible being distracted since I do daycare for my grandkids. And I appreciate Chris for being genuine and honest. Hopefully we can all choose what makes us feel and look our best. Thank you Pamela for all the time you put into help your blog. I look forward to reading it each day.

  6. I have a great deal of respect for you for today’s post. You have shown me a wonderful role model.

  7. An olive branch is almost always welcome!
    Pam, did some of your words get flipped around? Not sure that’s what you meant to say?? Take a look:
    “………extending the olive branch to you. I ask for your apology as I mistakenly interpreted your comment wrong.”
    Enjoy your grandchildren…mine are a thousand miles away!

  8. It is so difficult to read the “tone” of an email.
    All is right in the world of our favorite blog now.

  9. What a great audience this is! So many different approaches to things. That’s how we learn. Pam, you are our wonderful leader. Happy day to all .

  10. Pamela, I have to admit that I’ve been somewhat amused by the great TnT debate, but you are definitely a very kind and magnanimous person to admit when you think you were wrong. I don’t tuck because I find it much cooler and more comfortable to wear my tops out, and I don’t like the restrained feeling that tucking gives me, but everyone should do what makes them happy. And, can we talk about the front tuck? IN MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, it’s the dumbest thing I’ve seen. Have a lovely day and keep bringing us such great content. How lucky you are to be spending so much time with your grandsons! They are adorable.

  11. Well I’m certainly glad that Chris received a well deserved apology. If there was an “attack” on anyone it was on Chris. Obviously none of us were offended by her post because no one commented on it. That is until the next day when it was made a focal point and we were expected to support your interpretation of her post. Those of us that didn’t agree with this interpretation (like myself) should have spoken up and I apologize to Chris for not doing so. Lesson learned.

  12. Pam, interesting, as Karen noted, tucked vs untucked really depends on the shirt length and style of the bottom,,thanks Karen for pointing this out,,,,,frumpy is a trigger word, and I strive daily to avoid this adjective, hence I usually am in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers.with a great watch and earrings…..kindof a uniform, but works for me..we all have our own unique styles, and with your insight I have made a few upgrades and changes for the better….I love your blog and personally I didn’t think you needed to apologize, but that shows your gracious character. I wish I could send some of my SF Bay area fog that we have today to cool down your toasty Texas weather…..have a great weekend…

  13. Yes, let’s have forgiveness as our word of the day. I’m so glad you and Chris hashed things out! Now to get on with our fun, fashionable summers and whatever they bring our way. Keep up the good work Pamela! You’re our fearless leader and you have assembled a great group of ladies here, I look forward to these daily posts.

  14. Thank you, Deborah. I really think some words can create a way we hear something. Yet, I am regretful about the misinterpretation.

  15. Good morning. Sonja, I’m glad you spoke up today. I have learned to look back at the original comment before I add my thoughts.

  16. I was on vacation and missed the brouhaha. I will say, it’s not always easy to make one’s point, clearly, in an email. Differences of opinion make for more interesting conversations. Women do tend to be awfully agreeable/afraid to voice their opinions. I always, always tuck. I have a straight body type and tucking gives me more of a shape. Loosely tucking camouflages one’s stomach.

  17. Reset it is Pam. You are such a lovely caring woman. This has been an interesting thread on your blog. I tucked all my life until my health failed and medication helped me to gain almost 20 lbs. At 5’2”, it all went to my middle. When tucked now , my bust looks huge and like I haven’t any waist. So I leave my tops untucked. It is subjective and my choice. I find it is cooler on these 100 degree days. This is my favorite blog and take that time tomorrow to enjoy you grandsons. Mine are all adults and live very far away. Time goes so fast and they are children for such a short time. Now mine have children of their own.

  18. I applaud you for having the grace to rethink your response and for apologizing publicly, Pam! I hope that Chris accepts your request for forgiveness and joins your loyal following and I do thank her for inadvertently prompting such an interesting discussion. With apologies to Shakespeare, to tuck or not to tuck, that is the question!

  19. The written word lends itself to misinterpretations, particularly the electronic word. Its so easy to read the wrong intent especially when one is feels overwhelmed. And certainly a word can act as a trigger even when its not intended. Admitting one is wrong takes courage and I commend you. I’m glad you and Chris are on friendly terms. To tuck or not or to half tuck is a personal choice based on many factors but it can make for an interesting conversation. Enjoy your grandchildren. See you on Saturday.

  20. Kathie, I have not heard from Chris so I do not know yet if she has accepted my apology. I hope she will.

  21. Pam, you are the best! Gracious and kind. We are all capable of reading things just a tad off, when in a hurry. You are not alone.
    See you Saturday!

  22. Of course your apology is accepted … thank you.

    (I’m in Ca , with the time change this is the first chance I’ve had to respond.)

    A book I’ve loved is
    Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. It’s about shame, vulnerability, and being brave.

    It takes a bit of bravery to make a public apology so, thank you!

    Typing on my phone so please disregard any mistakes.

  23. There are no mistakes, Chris. I am relieved to hear from you! Thank you for accepting my apology!

  24. I have rarely commented here and being behind in reading the blog, I covered the whole tuck r naught discussion all at once and found myself laughing out loud several times. I didn’t remember Chris’ comment until she reposted at the end of the comments late on Sunday. Then I remembered it. It didn’t seem an attack was intended when I read it, which is prob why I didn’t remember it! So I was glad she clarified her post for all. And really glad Pam reposted it for everyone. Indeed, digital comments are very easy to take the wrong way! Tone of voice and facial expression plays a huge part in letting others know how we feel and those are just not available in short, printed comments.

    I’m not a tucker. That went away when I lost my hourglass figure. I read somewhere that hourglass figures tend to become apples. Mine is def not an apple. But maybe one of those ugly fruits. Haha.

    Half tuck, 1/4 tuck— the first few times I saw those I thought they had just come untucked! I tried it. Nope not for me. To my eye it does look sloppy.
    Metallic thread and touches? Yes I like those. As my daughter says, “Glitzy, flashy, tacky! I’m all over that!” I think someone called the half tuck tacky? Wait a minute. Maybe I will try it again!

  25. Anybody old enough to remember “pedal pushers “? I think I wore them when I was around ten…almost 65 years ago… whaaat?

    When they first came back as “capris” I thought they were the weirdest things ever for grown women to wear.

    Maybe Pamela and I can start the CCC the CA Capri Controversy?

    Just kidding. Peace out,
    C

  26. Hey Chris, I am actually open to tackling some styles this way! I wear capris only because I don’t feel confident in shorts and Texas is hot! I think the tucking discussion has really been helpful without the comment controversy of course. Feel free to take discussions up a notch!

  27. When one is five one, what are billed as “capris” for the average sized ( whatever that is?!) become ankle length.
    Imho shorter women look better with pants that don’t “cut their leg length.”
    Peace out, C

  28. Thinking of you and praying that you have a great day today with your family. I appreciate how you always encourage us and care about us and I love reading your post.

  29. Pam , its easy to misinterpret meanings … online .we all can forgive and forget . We are all here for fun and tips ! I also follow your friend Jennifer on a well styled life , who is short too !I’m even shorter and not thin and never tucked tops in but i learned it can be slimming and flattering .from her ..The commenter about tucking is a good onereally , because i too learned from jennifers styling tips that tucking a tank or blouse in , just in front and under a jacket, elongates your legs and actually makes you look slimmer . Who knew ? I also learned even a belt works at times .. it might not work for everyone but it changes my look for better for sure . ,

  30. It has been a really good discussion on tucking and how it is different for women with different body types. Thanks Susan

  31. So glad to learn that you and Chris got your differences sorted out. As to the initial subject ‘to tuck in or out’ , I actually do both as depends upon not only the style of the garments (fitted or relaxed) but also its fabric (structured/soft, light to heavy weight ) and even the type of shoe I’m wearing (casual/dress). Wishing you and all your readers, a beautiful weekend. -Brenda-

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